Month: August 2018

Advice. There seems to be no lack of it especially if you are a Des Moines single and haven’t yet found “the one.” As professional relationship coaches, we’ve helped many local singles sort through the mountains of dating advice that comes from well-meaning aunts, best buddies, work friends, and online sources. While everyone is trying to help, sometimes this kind of dating advice can actually do more harm than good.

All too often, dating advice given by others is just plain wrong.

As Des Moines Metro’s most experienced dating and matchmaking service, we’ve definitely seen it all. One of our favorite pieces of advice involves having your mother write your online dating profile to explain just how attractive, intelligent and successful you really are; but, we’ll save that for another blog.

Here are a few pieces of colossally lousy advice we’ve heard while working hard helping those looking to make a personal, life-long connection.

Take charge.

If you are the kind of guy or gal who likes to make all the decisions, this piece of advice might sound like just the ticket but trust our years of online dating and relationship coaching experience; telling her or him what to wear and ordering his or her entree without their individual feedback is far from the ideal way to capture a heart.

Acknowledging that someone has a mind of his or her own and that you value the opinion is typically the better approach and will lead to more positive relationships in the long run.

Play hard to get.

Given the fact that we are no longer in the Victorian age, our professional online dating specialists at Midwest Matchmaking can safely confirm that playing hard to get is not the best course of action. Especially if you want a solid chance of getting to know someone.

While you don’t need to go overboard with messaging and expressing over-the-top emotions, giving the clear signal that you are interested in the local single you’ve connected with can help move things along.

Fair warning: those who play hard to get sometimes miss their chance altogether.

Be agreeable.

It’s never a good idea to nod affirmatively and go along with someone just to “make them like you.”

Whether you select online dating or meeting in-person, opposing viewpoints can lead to intelligent discourse that can lead to a healthy relationship, if given a chance.

We can confidently speak for our Des Moines singles in saying that no one wants to spend their entire love life with someone who simply agrees with everything he or she said.

Don’t talk about religion, politics or sex on the first (or even second!) date.

Based on our experience as professional matchmakers for local singles, we are here to tell you that these are fair subjects of conversation that can be discussed when the time feels right.

There should never be a timer running to signal topics that are on and off limits when you are getting to know someone.

Of course, if you are in the dating process and have radically opposing viewpoints, agree to disagree for the time being, and be willing to learn from each other’s perspectives.

Find out now if he or she is marriage material. Don’t waste your time if they are not ready to commit.

We get it. Midwest Matchmaking hears this all the time. Time is flying, or if you’re a female, you may realize that the biological clock is ticking. But, if you approach every new meeting with the idea of finding out if the other is ready to marry, you’ll likely not reach the altar any time soon.

First things first! Relax and get to know each other. Good things take time. As your local single matchmakers, we’ve already pre-qualified who is sitting across from you and asked those time-sensitive questions.

Just be yourself.

This can be the best advice, or the worst advice, depending on a couple of things. If your typical pattern is to go on a date and not make an attempt to “step up” your game just a little, you may be missing out on the chance to impress someone for the long term.

Also, if being yourself hasn’t worked out so far in the local singles scene, maybe it’s time to talk to a professional matchmaker and relationship coach to help you bring your BEST self to that first date.

While you should never pretend to be someone you’re not, there are ways to better position yourself for dating success. The Des Moines Midwest Matchmaking’s team has the experience to help you examine the multitude of dating advice you receive so you can bring your best self to a new relationship.

Are you ready to sort through the things that might be holding you back? Call us at (833) 4MW-LOVE.

There are plenty of things that qualify as “deal breakers” when you are looking for the right life partner. Believe us when we say that we’ve seen quite a few of these during our combined years of professional matchmaking. Your dates mother still buys all of their clothes (and they include plaid knickers). Your date humiliates or shames you for your physique. Heaven forbid, he or she is still married!

Yep. Those are definite deal breakers to a relationship going any further. At Midwest Matchmaking, we’d be the first to say if those apply to your situation right now, it’s time to look elsewhere.

But, there are plenty of other things – admittedly little annoying things – that don’t have to result in you walking away from a new relationship so soon – before giving it a chance.

Our best professional relationship advice is, while it is essential to be selective, you’ll want to make sure you aren’t so restrictive that you’re automatically dismissing the possibilities before you can really get to know someone.

Decide what is important and what is only “fantasy-thinking” in a new relationship

This isn’t about settling. It’s about taking a moment to consider all that someone brings to the table and focusing on what’s really important.

It’s easy to obsess over someone’s physical appearance, their political leanings or size of their bank account, and only you can answer the question of what really matters to you and what doesn’t. It would be a shame to pass on someone who made your heart sing just because they don’t drive a Tesla or wear designer clothes.

As professional matchmakers in the Des Moines area, we coach our dating clients to do just that: focus on what really matters.

Truly, the rest is little more than fantasy-thinking (what we think our perfect partner should be like in our dreams) that really doesn’t add up to greater relationship satisfaction for the long term. As they say, “nobody’s perfect” (not even you).

If you are struggling, here are a few things that we’ve found are not prerequisites for a successful, long-lasting relationship. While this may not initially match the picture you have in your head for the perfect partner, we can assure you these things should be quickly erased from your list of deal breakers.

I don’t measure up, vertically.

Time to put your insecurities on the shelf. Someone’s height has nothing to do with their intellect, their personal worth or their values. Besides, that’s why they make platform heels (or flats). Don’t let how height different be the barrier to getting to know a great person.

They are a lot older (or younger) than me.

While age can be a predictor of compatibility, it certainly isn’t a given that a gap in years can cause relationships to falter. What you will need to do is acknowledge that you may be in different stages of your lives and that you’ll need to work together to overcome the challenges that gap might cause. It can and has been done successfully many times over.

They live in another city.

Without a doubt, long-distance relationships can be a bit tougher than dating locally. They can also be exciting and rewarding if both parties understand they’ll have to work just a little harder to remain connected.

Lucky for us, there are plenty of ways to travel across the country (or world) these days. Don’t let you living in a different state be a deal breaker, in a dating relationship, which has the potential to make you both happy in the long run.

Follicly speaking, there are challenges.

Balding. Grey hair. Who cares? In no instance in our combined years of professional matchmaking have we ever found that hair is an essential element to making a love connection. Consider Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson. Meryl Streep. George Clooney. Enough said.

They don’t have a “real” career.

Some people want to date others with lots of letters behind their name. Alphabet soup like PhD., MBA, and MD are nice, but there are plenty of careers out there that yield excellent incomes and personal satisfaction for someone. It’s absolutely OK to want your future connection to have a title, try not to get too hung up on what title that follow the career they chose. If they are genuinely passionate about what they do, that may be what you truly desire.

We encourage you to instead look for a partner who has qualities that are described as “loyal,” “hard-working,” “honest,” “reliable,” and “committed” – but you’ll have to look a little farther than the signature line on their email to uncover those qualities. We promise you it’ll be worth it.

What we are trying to say is that you don’t have to share the same height, political leanings or religion to find a true match that can go the distance. Sometimes our greatest relationship strengths are found in our differences!

You’ll never know if you don’t give someone a chance.

We strive in helping Des Moines singles in focusing on what really matters so the love connection can happen organically. Within your dating journey, Midwest Matchmaking can offer the perspective and advice you need within the local singles arena.

If your list of deal breakers is getting in the way of you making a real love connection, call us today at (833) 4MW-LOVE.

As professional matchmakers, we feel rejection, when truly approached with an open mind, can benefit all parties. The key is all about perspective, and at Midwest Matchmaking, we coach our clients to always look at the positive side of rejection and here’s why;

Rejection firmly closes one door and opens the gates to other opportunities that are more aligned with what is desired.

The reality is, those who have unrealistic expectations often deliver rejection. That said, it’s safe to say there are no stupid seekers of love and relationships when it comes to dating. What this means is, there are those who are serious about settling down (we absolutely love these kinds), there are those who wish to fish the ponds of the Des Moines dating world looking for that one “perfect” person, and there are those that land in the middle who want to meet others and may or may not know what exactly they are looking for.

Why rejection stings more than it should especially in the dating journey

Everyone at some point wants to find that particular person who can love and accept them for who we are. Also, most Des Moines singles are seeking a genuine connection that could result in true love.

We all crave to be liked, adored, and understood even with our quirks and one-of-a-kind personalities. In the dating realm and all aspects of relationships, it’s natural for rejection to sting a bit more than it should. And, we know as Des Moines dating matchmakers, it can feel downright yucky at times to hear, “I’m not that into you.” Especially after you opened yourself and your heart completely to someone.

Hearing the truth can for sure make the heart sink. We recommend not taking the rejection personally and, instead, realize that for the person delivering the news, the spark isn’t there.

How to transform rejection to strength

As professional dating coaches, our recommendation is to feel the sting, but only temporarily. Look at the situation objectively, turn inward, and realize that the rejection has very little to do with you and is more the other person.

If you wish to get a bit woo- we’ve learned with many dating clients that rejection can often be the clear sign from the Universe that our client is meant to keep looking. Let us explain.

We’re not meant to be everyone’s “cup of tea”

While everyone you meet in local single’s world should see the wonderfulness that encompasses you and all that you are, the fact is, sometimes we are not another’s “cup of tea” and, if we’re 100% honest, you’re not meant to be.

No matter how much you try to force a relationship or convince another human being that you are amazing, sometimes, things just don’t “click.” Of course, there are strategies we can try to improve our inherent likeability, but in the long run, no one should change simply to gain the acceptance of another.

We strongly encourage you to be who you are so that special someone can and fall in love with YOU; not a façade or temporary aspects of personalities that in the long run are not who you are to the core.

The Midwest Matchmaking way: While many Des Moines dating matchmakers are focused on numbers and hitting a quota of dates scheduled for the month, we are focused on quality, and would never counsel you to change yourself drastically to fit another’s ideal.

How a professional matchmaker can help reduce rejection

When it comes to relationships, a reputable professional matchmaking service will want to find connections that allow you to be your best you. We take the time to get to know you and your preferences, discuss values, listen to your hopes and dreams and in doing so, can typically come very close to finding well suited, Des Moines singles who could realistically develop long-lasting relationships.

If you are on the stinging end of being rejected, our best advice would be to consider this an excellent opportunity to learn more about yourself and to continue working together with your relationship coach to find that perfect match. The key is never to give up and keep your heart open to all the possibilities that lie ahead.

Should you find yourself “ghosted” or dumped in a relationship, chalk it up to, “it was meant to be” and the possibility that the fact that you didn’t “click” may have saved you from a lot of time and frustration trying to make the pieces fit where they simply never could. It’s better to eliminate those relationships early on so you can focus on finding someone who does share that spark of compatibility you are looking for.

Midwest Matchmaking can help you move past rejection and into a love connection.

If you’ve been on the receiving end of rejection, let our professional dating matchmaker coaches help you find someone who is your perfect cup of tea. Ready to heat things up, call us at (833) 4MW-LOVE.

If you are a local single and new to these parts – what we like to call the center of the universe and the best place in the world to live (the real Midwest states of Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas, and Missouri), you should know that your dating experiences are about to undergo a radical change – for the better!

While you’ve likely heard stories of cowboys and tall corn, there really is a lot more to Midwest living and local dating than these age-old stereotypes.

Having worked as professional matchmakers exclusively serving the cities of Omaha, Lincoln, Kearney, Sioux Falls, Council Bluffs, Des Moines and Kansas City, we can tell you there is so much to offer here for local singles looking for make lasting and meaningful relationships. Continue reading “5 Ways Dating in the Midwest is Unexpectedly Different”