Month: November 2018

Midwest Matchmaking’s Top 3 Dating Red Flags

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Real Midwest love connections are not easy to come by. At Midwest Matchmaking, our clients come to us because of our expertise in the dating industry, and because they either don’t have the time to dedicate to swiping through online profiles, dead end communication or simply enough – their pickers are broken.

Fortunately, even if you don’t pay for our matchmaking services, our advice is free. This is where our Des Moines dating professionals can provide some insight into how to keep an eye out for the top three red flags in the person you’re dating, and when to know to kick them to the curb. Next!

Are you dating someone with the following traits? If so, you may want to rethink your Midwest love connection with them:

#1. It’s been 3 months (at most) and your boyfriend hasn’t made a commitment.

If you’ve been solidly seeing someone, and it’s still just as casual as it was months prior, then you’re probably in a one-sided situation. If you go out with someone else and they don’t even ask you what you’re doing that night, who you’re with, or act at all concerned that a commitment hasn’t been discussed yet, they may be holding out for something better to come along.

Commitment troubles in your relationship?

Des Moines dating doesn’t have to be confusing, so our Exclusive Midwest Matchmakers suggest having an honest conversation about where your relationship stands. If it’s been two to three months, and you’re wanting a solid commitment, then you have be vocal about your expectations and where you see your life going. Being vague or not speaking up isn’t going to do your Midwest love connection any good.

#2. Your girlfriend hasn’t brought you around her friends or family.

If someone is really into you, they’re going to want to blend you into their social circles and introduce you to the people they love. It should happen naturally and feel like a comfortable next step. As far as a timeline, that is different for every couple, but it should be something that is at least discussed and anticipated by both of you at some point in the early stages of your relationship.

Do you feel like your relationship is a big secret?

If your Midwest love connection is feeling like a private party for two all of the time, then you might just need to re-evaluate both of your ideas of a relationship. Having a heart-to-heart discussion is crucial to ensure neither of you are wasting your time.

#3. Your significant other doesn’t show up for you. 

Sure, it’s easy to find someone to date casually, go out with, get drinks with and to have a little physical fun with – those are not special traits that mean big things for your union. Those are casual, menial flings that are not unique to a close-knit emotional Midwest love connection. Des Moines dating matchmakers say that if your partner isn’t showing up for the small things in life, like family gatherings, work events or coming over just to rub your feet when you’re sick, they probably won’t show up for the bigger things either.

Do you feel alone in life, even though you’re dating someone?

Midwest Matchmaking says that if you’re dating someone who is there for the fun aspects of life, but not the more serious, simple, mundane parts of it, ask where they see this headed, and get a real answer from them. If they’re not showing you their commitment through their actions, regardless of what they are telling you, then move on.

Are you struggling finding a genuine Midwest love connection?

If so, call the professionals at Midwest Matchmaking, and let us help you find the love of your life. Des Moines dating doesn’t have to be difficult. Call us today at (833) 469-5683.

5 Ways to a Successful Midwest Matchmaking Date

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Here at Midwest Matchmaking, our Des Moines matchmakers have spent decades gathering feedback from our clients and seeing what works and what doesn’t, which clients proceed on to future dates with the same person, and which ones can’t get past a first date.

The good news here, is that dating in Des Moines doesn’t have to be frustrating or challenging. With a professional perspective, our knowledge and extensive experience watching how singles fail and how they achieve relationship success, we will walk you through how to nail a first date, and beyond.

What do our Midwest Matchmaking Cupids have to say about making the best of dating in Des Moines?

1.  First impressions count!

Men, this starts with the first phone call, which starts with calling the woman you’re meeting (not texting!) and confirming the date verbally at least the day before, and deferring to her on the details that she will feel the most comfortable with. Make sure to ask her if she would prefer drinks or dinner. Ask her which location or neighborhood she would prefer to meet, and don’t be afraid to drive a little further her direction. Chivalry is NOT dead.

Ladies, make sure to call or text your date back within a reasonable period of time. Do not wait 2-3 days to return his calls, especially if date details need be scheduled and he needs to hear back from you. Be courteous, appreciative, and compromise. How would you feel if someone you were dating in Des Moines took 3 days to return your call? It would damper the excitement of that date, wouldn’t it? Treat your date how you would want to be treated (the Golden Rule).

2.   Show up…on time, if not 15 minute early.

There is nothing that ruins a first impression more than being late and making your date wait for you, wondering secretly if you’re going to show up at all. Not only does that heighten the anxiety of the person waiting and creates unnecessary stress , but it will also create a tension on the date before it even gets started. Our Des Moines matchmakers recommend giving yourself ample time to attend the date, and showing up at least a few minutes early. If you know you’re going to have a hectic, stressful day, don’t plan a date for that evening. Wait until an evening where your load is a bit lighter so that you aren’t rushing to your date.

3.   Mind your manners!


Men, what does this mean to you? Well, for starters, dating in Des Moines means bringing your A-game manners to the table and Midwest Matchmaking recommends waiting for the woman in the host area rather than taking a seat at a table and having her walk around looking for you. Greeting her inside the entrance of the restaurant will give you a leg up on the competition for that small detail alone. Make sure to stand up, greet her warmly with a firm handshake or hug, and a genuine smile. Allow her to go first and walk in front of you and take her seat first. What our Des Moines matchmakers have heard from even our most independent “feminist” ladies, is they still appreciate a man who can take the lead. So, start with asking her what she’d like to drink and then ordering for you both. Trust us, this will go a long way.

Ladies, same deal. Show up on time or early! We all know you need to primp and prep for your big night, but don’t make him wait for you. There is no such thing as “fashionably late” for a first date. Also, wait for him in the host seating area if you arrive before him. When you see him, approach him warmly with a genuine smile, and a hug or handshake. Be grateful and appreciative. Pleases and Thank You go a long way.

4. Ask questions.

You’d think this would be an obvious piece of advice when dating in Des Moines, but you’d be surprised at what our Des Moines matchmakers hear sometimes. Make sure you aren’t doing all of the talking and wearing out your date. Be conscious about taking spaces in between conversation and asking them questions in return, or asking for any elaboration on a story they are telling you. A conversation should be like a tennis match – an equal back and forth. Asking questions shows genuine interest in the other person. Midwest Matchmaking clients often times complain to us that their date went on and on ad nauseam, and no matter how cute your date is, would you really be interested in them anymore if all they did was talk about themselves?

5. Make a lasting impression.

Just like the first impression, ending the date with a bang is equally important.

Men, when wrapping up the date, don’t allow the check to linger awkwardly in the middle of the table. Be prepared to grab it as soon as the server brings it over, and take care of the bill. I know it might seem “old fashioned”, but if there’s one thing that is killing today’s love connections, it is the man allowing the woman to pay the bill or suggesting to go Dutch. Now, there might be exceptions to this; namely, if the two of you truly both have zero interest in each other and have made that very clear, then going Dutch might be acceptable. But if you’re trying to woo this woman and impress her, just pay the bill. Trust me, if she’s dating other people, this small act of chivalry will make the difference between you and that other man, especially if he allowed her to pay the bill. At that point, trust us, you win.

Open the door for her, and walk her out of the restaurant and to her car…or at least offer to. End the date with a warm hug and ask her to text you when she’s home to let you know she got home safely. Midwest Matchmaking knows women want to feel protected, cared for and adored. If she doesn’t because she forgets to (or thinks you were just saying that), send a quick “Thank you for tonight – hope you made it home safely”. Trust me, she’ll think twice about seeing you again, even if she did leave the date uncertain. These small details will help create a connection. Most importantly, follow up the next day and call or text her to ask when you can see her again. be bold,

Ladies, be very appreciative and thank your date if he pays the bill. End the date with a hug and allow him to open doors for you and walk you to your car (unless you’re really not into him – then just be honest). Once you get home, respond to his text, or send him a quick “Thank you for tonight”.

Does dating in Des Moines end at the first date?

Call Midwest Matchmaking today and let our Des Moines matchmakers help you get to the second date and beyond. Call us at (833) 469-5683 today!

  

Online Daters: Women’s Desirability Peaks at Age 18; Men’s at 50

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A recent study may be an unwelcome surprise for many of you who opt for online dating apps over using a Des Moines matchmaker. The study found that, for online daters, women’s desirability peaks at age 18, while men’s peak at age 50. That’s a huge disparity but something local matchmakers were not surprised to hear. In this industry, what tends to attract our clients to seek a matchmaker in the Midwest is because of the  continual disappointment online dating provides these singles in the area.

Studies have shown that at least 40% of Americans have tried online dating at some point, but many people at a glance are judged unfairly, according to our coaching clients and professional matchmakers.

The study, published in the journal Science Advances, look at the “desirability” of male and female users based on how many messages nearly 200,000 users (all seeking opposite-sex partners) got over one month on a popular online dating service. They also looked at whether or not the people sending the message were “desirable” based on the same criteria.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time a study has found results like this. In 2010, research from OkCupid found that men from the ages of 22 to 30 were almost completely focused on meeting women who were younger than them. Even more disturbing was a line from an OkCupid blog post: “The median 30-year-old man spends as much time messaging teenage girls as he does women his own age”. Now, it’s no surprise to Des Moines matchmakers that, at least in the local dating world we see every day, men do tend to date younger than them, while women prefer older mates up to a decade their senior. It is rare that a man will date much older than him due to biological aspects and the way their brains are wired. There are always exceptions, of course.

Professional Midwest matchmakers agree this has to do with evolution. Apparently, males seek out younger women for fertility reasons they don’t even realize, and that men could just be more interested in how younger women look.

The study also found that men weren’t as interested in women with graduate degrees. This may be because men think women who are educated with higher degrees have “more work commitment and less relationship and family commitment.” It might signal to them that they could have less time for a serious relationship.

The one silver lining to this research is that it might not be entirely accurate. Professional relationship advice from our Des Moines matchmakers say that what people look for in online dating reflects aspiration more than what they actually want. This is based on the fact that most users in the study messaged people who were more desirable than themselves, representing dating preferences more than reality. In other words, older men could be messaging younger women just to see what would happen, even if they’re not really looking for that kind of long-term relationship. Local matchmakers in Des Moines can help filter through these kinds of situations due to our intensive pre-screeing process, intake interview with each person face-to-face, and background checks.

Are swiping through dating profiles much too exhausting? Call your Des Moines matchmakers at Midwest Matchmaking to help you find the love of your life.  www.midwestmatchmaking.com or (833) 4MW-LOVE.

10 Questions To Not Ask on a First Date

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Dating coaches in the Midwest get to hear what happens on our clients’ dates – the good and the bad. The number one issue that deters these potential love connections from moving forward is conversation topics on the first date. First dates can be nerve-wracking and understandably so. However, when your nerves get the best of you, it’s easy to blurt out something weird in the heat of the moment or to ask an inappropriate question to your date.

Because of this, dating matchmakers have written a clear-cut list of dating conversation dos and don’ts.

First, one aspect you need to be very wary of on your date is only talking about yourself and completely ignoring your date. Midwest Matchmaking advises clients to ask questions that give them an open door to share more about themselves. Just stay clear of explosive and personal topics like politics, religion, and money.

Without further adieu, here are the 10 questions should you never, ever ask or discuss on date number one. Midwest singles, take heed:

1. How much money do you make?

On a first date, your respective careers are normal fodder for conversation. But asking people to reveal their salary, especially this early on, will likely be perceived as intrusive. Believe it or not, there are a lot of gold-diggers scouring the local dating scene, and if you ask this question, you will look like you have less than virtuous intentions. Even if you’re asking purely out of curiosity, says our professional Kearney matchmakers, seeking out this information may make your potential suitor doubt your intentions and relationship priorities. No one wants to feel like they’re prey to an opportunist.

2.  What happened in your last relationship?

This is a first date – not an interrogation. It is normal to be curious about what went on in this person’s life before, or how many relationship skeletons they have in their closet, but now is not the time to find out these details. Asking this question early on will kill any potential love connection, because they are likely to feel judged or put on the spot. Once you build a genuine connection with this person, then ask if it’s OK to discuss these details. Besides, keep the tone of the date upbeat and positive – not for the purpose of dredging up some potentially painful memories. Is that really how you both want to spend your time?

3. Where do you see this going?

If your Midwest match is going well, it’s natural to hope that the two of you will continue seeing each other. But asking about the future of the relationship during the first date is premature, to say the least when you two have barely gotten to know each other. Professional matchmakers in the Kearney area warn that asking this so early one will no doubt make you appear desperate and needy – someone who will take whoever they can get, which shows a lack of self-esteem, impulsivity, and healthy boundaries.

4. Why are you still single?

Even if you’re going for flattery here, your Kearney love connection will likely not view this question positively. What you’re essentially implying is that something is wrong with them, and that’s why they’re still single. Or, it’s implying that being single is negative on its own – and it isn’t. Not everyone’s goal in life is to be in a relationship, and not everyone is on the same timeline. It may display ignorance and insensitivity on your part, so leave it off the table.

5. How many people have you slept with/dated/met through this local matchmaking service?

The sex question is never an appropriate question to ask someone, even within the confines of a relationship. Someone’s past is no one’s business but their own, so if you do ask this question to your Kearney date, expect not to see them ever again. As far as how many people they’ve dated, the same rule pretty much applies. If they decide to tell you of their own accord, great, but beyond that, it will make you look nosy, inappropriate and crude. On that note, our professional relationship advice suggests avoiding asking anything sexual on the first date. whatsoever.

6. Where are you really from?

Asking your date where he or she is from seems innocent enough, right? But for people of color, this is a loaded question. Even if they respond, “I’m from Minneapolis,” their response will often be met with, “No, where are you really from?” as if to imply that they can’t actually be from the country they live in. It’s OK to be curious about another’s ethnicity and heritage. However, this language implies that they are other, non-American and do not belong. The underlying message and assumption behind this question is that America is a space meant only for white skin and English speakers. In the same vein, telling people how “exotic” they look or praising them for “having good English” may be taken the wrong way. These are again, ignorant and invalidating statements that are best left in the pre-Civil War era.

7. Do you find me attractive?

“Do you like me?” “Do you think I’m handsome/sexy/adorable?” Sure, you hope your date is attracted to you, but asking this so bluntly can be off-putting on a first date. “Don’t ask questions about your appearance like, ‘Do you think I look fat?’” This might give them the impression that you are needy for reassurance and lacking in self-confidence. Plus, that’s just really socially awkward.

8. What was your most embarrassing moment?

When two people are hitting it off, they may go beyond surface-level topics of conversation ― usually a sign the date is going well. But getting too personal too quickly may put your date in an uncomfortable position and kill that love connection. You may be fine opening up about the time you had explosive diarrhea at the beach, but don’t assume your date is, or wants to hear it. That may definitely qualify as TMI, especially on date one.

9. Do you want kids?

If having kids is important to you, then finding a partner with similar family goals is probably a non-negotiable. Understandably, you don’t want to waste time on someone who doesn’t want the same things out of life that you do. But asking this before you two have gotten to know each other could be a turn-off, and make you appear desperate, and that you’re only using this person as a mean’s to an end – and not interested in them as a person – only what they can potentially give you.

10. Who did you vote for?

Especially in this political climate, all political topics should remain off the table on the first date. I know that similar beliefs and values are important to share with someone, but believe it or not, Midwest matchmakers introduce Kearney singles all the time who have differing views on politics and they make it work if the connection is right in every other way. Yes, you need to know this mindset in your partner when the time is right, but you need to get to know them first and take into account all of their qualities before sending them on their way over one that might be able to be worked through when you two know each other better, sit down face to face, and discuss your differences.

Do first date conversation topics have you stumped? Let our Midwest Matchmaking dating coaches help you move the conversation along! Call us at (833) 4MW-LOVE or www.midwestmatchmaking.com.

3 Reasons why Paying for a Matchmaker Won’t get you “Better” Dates

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If there’s one thing that dating coaches in the Midwest run into often with their most challenging clients is that because their dating clients are paying for a Midwest matchmaker, they believe it entitles them to “better” than who they would meeting on their own.

While it is true that meeting local singles who are looking for a love connection is more readily available when working with a local matchmaker, that does not mean that every one of these clients are going to be your type…or vice versa.

What hiring a Midwest matchmaking service does is guarantee your safety and parameters when sourcing matches for you. What this does not entail is your own personal fairy god mother with a magic wand who can suddenly make the Channing Tatum doppelgänger fall in love with you. The only thing professional matchmakers in Sioux Falls can do is put you in front of the right matches, but the rest is ultimately up to you.

What this means is being accountable for being the most marketable – and not putting the blame on anyone if the expectation does not fit the reality. If smoking is a turn off to most singles (and it is in our business!), and you are being rejected from your top choices because of it, then quit! If your match wants a more athletic body type but you haven’t hit a gym in a decade, join one! If your perfect man doesn’t want to date a woman with kids, and you have three little ones at home, move on…he wasn’t the right fit for you anyway.

Professional relationship advice from our Sioux Falls matchmakers says this: evolve, find ways to improve in areas that are causing you rejection, insecurity or pain. Do the work, make the commitment and be the best version of yourself you can be in whatever way that means for you and the person you are hoping to fall in love with. But know your local dating market first before seeking a love connection. Do your research on the demographics in your area, gauge the number of singles, scour the areas that are attracting them, and scope out what is working for others. Think of it as the most important school research project you’ve ever encountered and tackle it head on.

Therefore, without further ado, our professional dating coaches and local matchmakers ask you to heed the following three reasons why paying for a professional matchmaker in Sioux Falls will not guarantee you dates who are any better than you could get out there on your own:

  1. We Cannot Make the Person of Your Dreams Fall in Love with You…No Matter How Hard We Try

OK…we don’t make it a business practice to ever force someone on another person, but even if we did, certain singles have their preferences, and if you’re not it….there’s not much we can do to change that. We can offer you some suggestions, like losing weight, quitting cigarettes or being more open minded on a parameter you’ve deemed a “deal breaker”, but beyond that, your dating matchmaker isn’t your own personal miracle worker.

  1. Your Expectations May Not Meet the Reality

If you think that putting money into a service is going to guarantee an outcome that is significantly different than what is happening in your usual dating practice, then you will be disappointed. The reality is that hiring a matchmaking service in the Midwest will not fix what needs fixing in yourself, it won’t make you more attractive to candidates, and it won’t mean someone normally out of your normal dating league will suddenly be in it. What Midwest Matchmaking’s professional dating coaches can do however, is offer guidance and advice on how to work on anything that needs work (because, let’s face it – we all do), and how to help you be more successful at dating the types you truly want to date. Yes, matchmaking agencies do have better quality candidates, but it takes some work on your part as well.

  1. Matchmakers Do Not Have Magic Wands

If you have a checklist a mile long regarding your partner’s perfect qualities, that you will not compromise on, then you’re not going to be very successful – either through a local matchmaker nor on your own. Our professional matchmakers suggest limiting your deal breakers and must-haves to three each, and being open minded to the rest. Love comes in interesting packages sometimes, and chemistry is not an amalgam of qualities written down on a piece of paper. Chemistry only happens (or doesn’t) when you meet someone face to face, and hear them talk, notice the way they laugh, how they treat you, and most importantly, their values. So, if you hire a Sioux Falls matchmaker, let them do their jobs as professionals in a field they know, understand, and have found success in. If you do this and trust the process, you will find that they can find relationship success for you as well.

Are you single in the Midwest and looking for better dates? If so, call Midwest Matchmaking at (833) 4MW – LOVE or visit www.midwestmatchmaking.com.

Midwest Matchmaking’s 7 Methods for a Better Relationship

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Can you spot a good relationship? Of course, nobody knows what really goes on between any couple, but decades of scientific research into love, sex and relationships have taught us that a number of behaviors can predict when a couple is on solid ground or headed for troubled waters. Midwest matchmakers know that good love connections don’t happen overnight. They take commitment, compromise, forgiveness, and effort.

FALLING IN LOVE

Falling in love is the easy part. The challenge for dating clients is how to rekindle the fires of romance from time to time and cultivate the mature, trusting love that is the hallmark of a lasting relationship. Men and women each define love differently. Understanding what makes your partner feel loved can help you navigate conflict and put romance back into your relationship. If you learn your partner tends toward jealousy, make sure you notice when someone is flirting with him or her. If your partner is practical in love, notice the many small ways he or she shows love by taking care of everyday needs.

RESUSCITATE ROMANCE

Romantic love has been called a “natural addiction” because it activates the brain’s reward center — notably the dopamine pathways associated with drug addiction, alcohol and gambling. But those same pathways are also associated with novelty, energy, focus, learning, motivation, ecstasy and craving. No wonder we feel so energized and motivated when we fall in love!

But our dating coaches know that romantic, passionate love fades a bit over time, and (we hope) matures into a more contented form of committed love. Even so, many couples long to rekindle the sparks of early courtship.  Do something new and different on your Midwest dates — and make sure you do it together. New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine. Partners who regularly share new experiences report greater boosts in marital happiness than those who simply share pleasant but familiar experiences.

HAVE SEX – LOTS OF SEX

Professional matchmakers in the Midwest know that committed couples really do have more sex than everyone else. While it’s true that single people can regale you with stories of crazy sexual episodes, remember that single people also go through long dry spells. The main factors associated with a sexless life are older age and not being married. So whether you’re having committed or married sex once a week, once a month or just six times a year, the fact is that there’s still someone out there having less sex than you. Make sure that if you’re not in the mood, get yourself to give it a go anyway, and you will find that you will likely be in the mood once you’ve gotten started.

PROTECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Avoid Opportunity. Midwest matchmakers recommend not putting yourself into a position where temptation is readily available, frequent and ongoing. If you have a career that puts you in front of the eye of attractive local singles often enough, you may begin to stray with your mind, and that could lead to actual physical encounters with another person who is not your partner. If you reconnect with an old friend (or old flame) on social media, keep communication brief, limited and appropriate. Online avenues are primes ways love connections happen, even if unintentionally to being with. Local matchmakers recommend keeping all online or in-person interactions with others platonic and staying that way.

FIGHT FAIRLY

Many people try their best to avoid conflict, but professional dating coaches agree every conflict presents an opportunity to improve a relationship. The key is to learn to fight constructively in a way that leaves you feeling better about your partner.

Marriage researcher John Gottman has built an entire career out of studying how couples interact. He learned that even in a laboratory setting, couples are willing to air their disagreements even when scientists are watching and the cameras are rolling. From that research, he developed a system of coding words and gestures that have been shown to be highly predictive of a couple’s chance of success or risk for divorce or breakup.

BE DECISIVE & GENEROUS

How thoughtfully couples make decisions can have a lasting effect on the quality of their romantic relationships. Couples who are decisive before marriage — intentionally defining their relationships, living together and planning a wedding — appear to have better marriages than couples who simply let inertia carry them through major transitions. Making decisions and talking things through with partners is important. When you make an intentional decision, you are more likely to follow through on that.

Are you generous toward your partner? How often do you express affection? Or do small things for your partner like bring them coffee? Men and women who score the highest on the generosity scale are far more likely to report “very happy” marriages, according to local professional matchmakers.

NURTURE FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Sometimes couples become so focused on the relationship that they forget to invest in their relationships with friends and family. Professional dating coaches will tell you that married couples have fewer ties to relatives than the unmarried. They are less likely to visit, call or help out family members, and less likely to socialize with neighbors and friends.

The problem with this trend is that it places an unreasonable burden and strain on the marriage. We often overload our relationships by asking our partner to satisfy more needs than any one individual can possibly meet, and if our marriage falters, we have few emotional support systems to fall back on. To strengthen a serious relationship, consider asking less of it. That means leaning on other family members and friends for emotional support from time to time. Support your partner’s outside friendships and enjoy the respite from the demands of marriage when you’re not together.

Is your relationship falling flat? Let Midwest matchmakers and our local dating coaches help resuscitate your romantic relationship! Call Midwest Matchmaking at (833) 4MW – LOVE today, or visit us at www.midwestmatchmaking.com

Midwest Matchmaking’s 5 Smart Ways to Approach Dating in Your 30s

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In your 20s, dating in the Midwest was probably a bit different. You dated around, kissed a few frogs, partied with your friends, survived school and got a firm grip on your career. The twenty-something decade is full of exploration and change—but then, you blow out 30 candles and suddenly, your love connection goals change.

You really begin refining and enriching your single life, and gaining career traction so you are where you want to be later. This is about the time where work-life balance starts to become the top priority. Lincoln singles who want love and family tend to start wondering how they will fit in dating in the Midwest, while maintaining their careers.

With a few mindset changes, it’s possible to have it all, but this starts with tweaking your approach to dating in Lincoln and relationships with singles in your area. Here’s how to take stock of your goals, make some strategic changes and get long-term satisfaction out of love and life.

Know What You Want

Most of us are probably a bit idealistic about love connections in our 20s. Maybe we’ll meet a brooding, handsome stranger in a coffee shop, or some witty guy will approach us at the neighborhood bar one night. You could even have some sort of “list” for what you want in a person. But after a decade of lost romance, our professional matchmakers and dating coaches have some advice: time to get real.

As a professional Midwest matchmaker, if you’re a woman wanting a biological child and marriage, you can’t wait for serendipity to intervene or simply say, it will happen when it happens. What does that look like? A heavy dose of soul-searching, and then pushing past roadblocks that threaten your success. And that means not just getting out there in the Lincoln dating scene, but really understanding what and who you are looking for on a deeper level and not the superficial stuff.”

Prioritize

In your 20s, you were probably dreaming up what would be the pinnacle of your career life, because, why not? CEO of a successful start-up, with your young-adult novel trilogy being turned into movies by your 35th birthday? Sure! It’s great too, well, lean in—but many thirty-something local singles will admit that time seems to rapidly accelerate when in your 30s.

So while you should keep those sky-high goals close to your heart, you also have to hold yourself accountable for not missing out on something else you really want—like marriage and kids. You have to decide how much time you can give to each of your priorities, and how much of yourself you want to give to each priority. Maybe this means taking a slightly lesser position to be closer to family or scaling back on those 60-hour workweeks to devote more time to your love life.

3. Recognize Red Flags

You’ve probably met your fair share of local singles who would qualify for your own personal WTF? file. Maybe you took a risk on that guy with the emotional issues or that supposedly-reformed player with a laundry list of ex-flames. Don’t beat yourself over those mistakes, since they can teach you a lot.

Now that you know a red flag when you see it, don’t let that knowledge bank of toxic partners go to waste. If you’re looking for real love, your job is to recognize these zero-potential guys early and often. Don’t waste your time with people who are clearly commitment-phobic, wishy-washy or emotionally unavailable. Don’t try to change them. Let them go and move on.

4. Have and Own Your Boundaries

Make a date with yourself for a cup of coffee or glass of wine, grab a notebook, and take stock of your behaviors in your 20s. Think about what didn’t work in terms of fostering personal and relationship growth. Think about what did. Get specific about the choices you made and what might need to change.

Our Midwest Matchmakers recommend establishing smart boundaries. For instance, if you’ve been really career-focused, spending time with other people might be tough. Eventually, you have to decide how reachable you want to be. This could mean anything from stopping all work communication at a certain hour every night to finally calling your city home, instead of always having one foot out the door.

5. Try, Try and Try Again

Sure, you could theoretically meet your future love in Lincoln anywhere. But you’ve probably been there and done that with the bar scene, and might not have many opportunities in your current job—where you spend the majority of your waking hours. That means your best bet is to maximize the most highly-datable options in the least amount of time.

The best way to do this is to approach this part of your life with as much intention and effort as you would, say, your friendships or career. Actively position yourself to meet like-minded people who are likely looking for legit, long-term relationships. This might mean: hiring a local matchmaking service and working with a dating coach; actually putting yourself out there at events and activities where you’re likely to meet people; tapping into your network of friends for set-ups. Take action and know that our dating clients really stepped out of their comfort zone in order to meet more singles in the area. Do it all!

Midwest Matchmaking’s bottom line for single 30-somethings is that they can do themselves a service by owning up to what they want in life and committing to it. The last thing we’re sure you want is to wake up at 35, alone, your time clock ticking and wondering why you let a few of those great love connections from your past go.

Ready to try a new approach to dating in Lincoln? Call Midwest Matchmaking at (833) 4MW – LOVE or visit www.midwestmatchmaking.com