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Be Mindful of What Really Matters When Making Your List of Relationship Deal Breakers

27 Aug 2018

There are plenty of things that qualify as “deal breakers” when you are looking for the right life partner. Believe us when we say that we’ve seen quite a few of these during our combined years of professional matchmaking. Your dates mother still buys all of their clothes (and they include plaid knickers). Your date humiliates or shames you for your physique. Heaven forbid, he or she is still married!

Yep. Those are definite deal breakers to a relationship going any further. At Midwest Matchmaking, we’d be the first to say if those apply to your situation right now, it’s time to look elsewhere.

But, there are plenty of other things – admittedly little annoying things – that don’t have to result in you walking away from a new relationship so soon – before giving it a chance.

Our best professional relationship advice is, while it is essential to be selective, you’ll want to make sure you aren’t so restrictive that you’re automatically dismissing the possibilities before you can really get to know someone.

Decide what is important and what is only “fantasy-thinking” in a new relationship

This isn’t about settling. It’s about taking a moment to consider all that someone brings to the table and focusing on what’s really important.

It’s easy to obsess over someone’s physical appearance, their political leanings or size of their bank account, and only you can answer the question of what really matters to you and what doesn’t. It would be a shame to pass on someone who made your heart sing just because they don’t drive a Tesla or wear designer clothes.

As professional matchmakers in the Des Moines area, we coach our dating clients to do just that: focus on what really matters.

Truly, the rest is little more than fantasy-thinking (what we think our perfect partner should be like in our dreams) that really doesn’t add up to greater relationship satisfaction for the long term. As they say, “nobody’s perfect” (not even you).

If you are struggling, here are a few things that we’ve found are not prerequisites for a successful, long-lasting relationship. While this may not initially match the picture you have in your head for the perfect partner, we can assure you these things should be quickly erased from your list of deal breakers.

I don’t measure up, vertically.

Time to put your insecurities on the shelf. Someone’s height has nothing to do with their intellect, their personal worth or their values. Besides, that’s why they make platform heels (or flats). Don’t let how height different be the barrier to getting to know a great person.

They are a lot older (or younger) than me.

While age can be a predictor of compatibility, it certainly isn’t a given that a gap in years can cause relationships to falter. What you will need to do is acknowledge that you may be in different stages of your lives and that you’ll need to work together to overcome the challenges that gap might cause. It can and has been done successfully many times over.

They live in another city.

Without a doubt, long-distance relationships can be a bit tougher than dating locally. They can also be exciting and rewarding if both parties understand they’ll have to work just a little harder to remain connected.

Lucky for us, there are plenty of ways to travel across the country (or world) these days. Don’t let you living in a different state be a deal breaker, in a dating relationship, which has the potential to make you both happy in the long run.

Follicly speaking, there are challenges.

Balding. Grey hair. Who cares? In no instance in our combined years of professional matchmaking have we ever found that hair is an essential element to making a love connection. Consider Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson. Meryl Streep. George Clooney. Enough said.

They don’t have a “real” career.

Some people want to date others with lots of letters behind their name. Alphabet soup like PhD., MBA, and MD are nice, but there are plenty of careers out there that yield excellent incomes and personal satisfaction for someone. It’s absolutely OK to want your future connection to have a title, try not to get too hung up on what title that follow the career they chose. If they are genuinely passionate about what they do, that may be what you truly desire.

We encourage you to instead look for a partner who has qualities that are described as “loyal,” “hard-working,” “honest,” “reliable,” and “committed” – but you’ll have to look a little farther than the signature line on their email to uncover those qualities. We promise you it’ll be worth it.

What we are trying to say is that you don’t have to share the same height, political leanings or religion to find a true match that can go the distance. Sometimes our greatest relationship strengths are found in our differences!

You’ll never know if you don’t give someone a chance.

We strive in helping Des Moines singles in focusing on what really matters so the love connection can happen organically. Within your dating journey, Midwest Matchmaking can offer the perspective and advice you need within the local singles arena.

If your list of deal breakers is getting in the way of you making a real love connection, call us today at (833) 4MW-LOVE.