Dating After Divorce

17 Oct 2018

Yes, Midwest singles. There is life after divorce. And Midwest Matchmaking can help.

Jumping back into the Midwest dating scene as a newly divorced single again can feel like free falling head first over a gorge. Not only have dating styles and techniques perhaps changed since you last put yourself out there, but so has technology, certain etiquette related to that technology, and expectations. Not to mention the overwhelm that dating apps cause, it’s no wonder divorcees now newly single in Iowa and Nebraska feel so lost, and have no clue where or how to start again.

Dating local singles will be a challenge at times, but the good news is, with the right formula, game plan and action-based results, you will be back on that horse in no time and mastering dating in the Midwest like it’s second nature. No doubt, you will feel shaky and inexperienced. Even being “out of the game” for a decade can change so much. You are not alone, and as a professional matchmaker for a decade, I see this all the time with my clients. But, human beings are adaptable, and with practice, help and determination, you will open you heart, find love and be happy again.

First, it’s important to remember to give yourself plenty of time to heal from a divorce. Leaving a marriage, even though you may have been emotionally ready to do years prior, is still like a death. A death of your old self, an old routine, and is essentially a catharsis that takes time to adapt to. So, allow yourself at least a year before getting back out there. Take time for YOU. Heal, see a therapist, make time for old friends, be alone and feel OK with that. Most importantly, if you have children, spend extra time with them, especially! They’ll need that time to adjust as well and will need to know they have their divided parents’, undivided attention.

Our local matchmakers in the Midwest know that time by yourself is when the most growth and self reflection occurs, and you want…no, you need that time to analyze what you will be doing differently in your dating life moving forward. What are your boundaries? What will you not tolerate? What are your deal breakers? Do you need to manage your expectations? What work do you need to do on yourself to be a good future partner? What do you bring to the table, and what do you expect your partner to bring? What do you value? It is crucial you know the answer to these questions because you want to learn from your relationship mistakes and grow from them, right?

Once you are ready to date local singles again, you will also need to date similar-minded people who are in the same place in their lives – meaning, do not rush into another serious relationship, because you will not be fully ready. Even if emotionally you’ve moved on, it will still take you time to adjust to your new dating life in the Midwest, your new routine, your freedom, your newly attained life lessons, and so on. Only date casually until you really figure out your next steps. Even better, don’t date at all right away.

Also, strongly consider completely quitting dating apps and hiring a professional Midwest matchmaking service. Once you are truly ready to meet your next Mr. or Ms. Right, why waste your time and energy on apps where there is an 81% failure rate? Outsource the most important aspects of your life if you can afford it, and go for quality in your dating options, rather than quantity. You will not regret the investing your faith (or your money) in our local matchmakers, and the quality of candidates you receive are unmatched.

You also want to make sure that you know exactly what a healthy, long-term relationship looks like, especially if you were married to someone abusive or narcissistic. Having that as your model of a committed relationship during the X number of years you were married may have had an affect on your judgment. This is where a therapist, a matchmaker in the Midwest, a Nebraska or Iowa dating coach, or a combination of them all, will really help your chances.

When you find that you are finally ready and willing to put yourself back on the market, consider hiring a local professional matchmaker and paying a little more for a quality Midwest dating service before hitting one of the many dating apps. Not only do they pose a risk to your life if you meet a psycho, but you also have to wade through thousands of spammers, cheaters, married men/women, and singles purely looking to hook up. You get what you pay for, so consider that because there is zero investment in a site like Tinder or Bumble, the people who tend to use these sites aren’t investing much else of themselves in other areas either (like actually looking for a serious relationship).

Once you have a road map of a partner that makes you happy, give attraction and chemistry a chance to develop, even if it takes five or more dates to figure it out. Then, look carefully for the “interior” traits that count, like kindness, reliability, consistency, honesty and intelligence first.

Make sure you are not judging profiles by their photo. This is something the matchmakers at Midwest Matchmaking will try to convince you on because, well…we know best! We cannot tell you how often we change someone’s minds about meeting someone they initially declined, only to watch them fall madly in love and go on to marriage, babies, and happiness. Be open! Give some credit to our Midwest matchmakers and trust that we know a thing or two about chemistry and the importance of determining that in person, and not over a one-dimensional photograph.

Our professional advice about attraction goes like this: you cannot tell whether or not you are attracted to someone in the long run simply by looking at their photo and dissecting every aspect you can see – which is extremely limiting and close-minded. To fall for someone, you need a heck of a lot more than a still photograph. You find chemistry with a person after you get to know them; their nuances, their passions, their quirks, learning about their struggles, how they dealt with them, their pain, their life lessons, what they can teach you, and most of all, their values and how they treat you and show up for you. Midwest love only grows over time, and unless you’re extremely shallow, looks are not everything and should not be the end all-be all. Besides, chemistry most times has nothing to do with a physical element you can see. It’s chemical, and it’s a freaking mystery.

Finally, if you still feel wary or anxious about going about dating solo, remember that our Midwest Matchmaking staff are reputable, qualified, experienced relationship coaches, and have Midwest coaching programs tailored specifically to dating post divorce. With a combined 30 years of professional matchmaking experience, the environment is welcoming, supportive and eager to help anyone who takes their love lives seriously enough to invest in a local matchmaker.

Ask your Midwest matchmaker for more details, and remember, we are here to help you find the next love of your life!