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Midwest Matchmaking’s 7 Secrets of the Female Mind

21 Dec 2018

Here at Midwest Matchmaking, our seasoned Des Moines matchmakers know a thing or two about local singles, and are experts on coaching clients to be more successful on their dates. We’ve also been in the industry for a combined 40 years, so we have acquired plenty of juicy feedback from both men and women, young and old, and from all backgrounds and walks of life. 

There are always exceptions, of course, but overall, we have gathered plenty of feedback from enough women over the years to know what you men should be doing to get to future dates and land the one you’ve got your eye on. But, if there’s one thing we’ve seen across the board with our female members, it’s that certain traits men display (or lack) will make or break your dating success. But, we’re here to help you on that journey by giving you a peek into the mind of a woman, and what attracts us…and what turns us off. 

Below, are Midwest Matchmaking’s 7 secrets of the female mind:

1. Take pride in your appearance

Now generally, women can get past not being immediately attracted to a man IF the chemistry develops enough, and as long as their humor, confidence or success makes up for lacking in the looks department. But, what will not do you any good, is dressing like a slob or having zero style sense. This also goes deeper than attire. Make sure you take pride in your health and hygiene. Meaning, whitening those teeth, showering and smelling fresh (a little cologne never hurt anyone), keeping your nails trimmed and cleaned, and trimming up any scruff on your face or head. 

2. Display confidence

Nothing is more unattractive to our primitively-wired female brains than a man who displays a lack of confidence. What this tells us is that this kind of man isn’t strong or assertive enough to protect or provide for us. If this idea seems outdated, well…tough. Science still backs that both genders’ brains are still pretty much wired in the same way they were when we were living in caves, which means the survival mechanisms that were triggered in each of us in the Tertiary Period are still triggered in our modern lives. So, this means doing work on yourself all of the time, and strengthening those mental muscles and improve areas where you lack obvious confidence. That might mean working on jealousy issues, finding a career you take pride in, working on your posture, and learning how to approach women

3. Your career and financial stability matter.

Time and time again, the one thing Midwest Matchmaking hears from every woman (yes, every woman) is that they want someone who is at least a smidge more successful than they are, if not significantly more so. Again, this goes back to how our brains are wired, and even the most successful women still want to feel feminine and taken care of, even when they can (and do) take care of themselves. There’s nothing more appealing than a man who knows how to survive, and in this day in age, that means by making bills.

4. Older men are more appealing.

Unless the woman is in her mid-life crises, fresh out of a long marriage and just wanting to hook up with a hot boy toy, a serious-minded gal is typically going to want an older man. This is explained due to a man having enough time to mature at the woman’s level (since, sorry boys, women do mature more quickly), and, an older man has had enough time to gain career and financial stability. 

4. Nice guys do NOT finish last.

Studies show that women who are truly seeking a long term commitment prefer men who are altruistic and do good deeds over the smokin’ hot bad boy who plays games, tells her what she wants to hear, and strings her along. Des Moines matchmakers feel that a mature woman leaves the party boy in her past where he belongs, and knows a good, kind man when she sees one. And his actions should be pretty obvious as to which type he is. In short, be the good guy, and you’ll do a lot better.

5. Leave a little mystery.

Men who come on too strong in the beginning will do one of two things (or both): it will attract only emotionally needy women, or it will repel the decent ones who are secure in themselves. And attracting a woman who is secure with herself means being secure enough in yourself to not feel the need to overpromise, overcompensate and be overly touchy/feely so quickly. Wait until a proper foundation has been established before you say things you may not come to mean. This includes texting too much too soon! Midwest Matchmaking sees oversharing ruin a good thing between two people far too often. 

6. Have a sense of humor.

This is by far the number one trait that women find most appealing of all: someone who can make them laugh. Humor is not only good for the heart and soul, and allows us to live longer, but it’s also a sign of intelligence. And I’m talking about intelligent humor; not stupid, gory potty humor you use during a guys’ night. I mean witty, playful banter, using smart references and knowing how to make her laugh. 

Are you striking out on your dates with local singles in Des Moines, and may be interested in becoming a coaching client? 

If so, call Midwest Matchmaking at (515) 414-3536 or visit us at and meet our Des Moines matchmakers. They will get you inside a woman’s mind and help you fall in love!