We’ve all been there, and our Des Moines matchmakers hear it all the time from our local singles at Midwest Matchmaking: They met someone for drinks. Their date didn’t make you run for the plains, but they didn’t give you that “feeling” either. Perhaps you spent the hour a little ambivalent. Maybe you couldn’t stand her laugh. Or, you couldn’t stop imagining how he would look with a full head of hair.
So, the big question: should you give this person you just had a mediocre date with a second shot to grow on you? Is a poor (or blaze) first impression an indication of whether this person is a good fit for you, or not?
Below, Midwest Matchmaking’s dating advice straight from our Des Moines matchmakers, who have more than 40 years of combined experience, regarding whether or not to give your love connection a real chance:
#1. Did you feel concerned with your safety, or feel judged?
This is an easy one to knock off of your list: At any point on your date with this person, did you ever feel intimidated, belittled, judged, or unsafe? If so, then that is a stark indication that you absolutely should not consider a second date. Other no-gos: dating someone who has an addiction (and is not in recovery), or anyone you catch being dishonest.
#2. Were you bored during your date?
Most Des Moines singles anticipate dating being a fun experience, so obviously when your first date leaves you feeling “meh” about it, that can definitely be a downer. This does NOT however, mean that that your date is actually boring. An unexciting evening can be the result of first-meeting-jitters, tiredness or even unfamiliarity most local singles feel when meeting someone new. For that matter, feelings like those can stem from something going on entirely in your world or head-space and not reflect anything at all about the person you just met. If the worst thing you can say about your time together is that you didn’t feel intense interest, excitement or connection, you might be surprised to find yourself feeling differently after getting to know each other better. Des Moines matchmakers know best, so get back out there and give the poor guy or gal another chance to shine!
#3. Did your interest change for the positive, even slightly, during your date?
If you felt yourself warming even the slightest toward your date after an hour or two, would the trend continue through a second, third or fourth date? It may well be worth the time to find out. After all, if your goal is to arrive at true love, you don’t need to get there an hour after you leave your house. Relax, and enjoy the journey!
#4. Defer to your Relationship Checklist.
You’ve made your lists…time to check it thrice. This means, your Requirements and your Deal Breakers in a future partner. Let’s say for example, the person across from you met one of five items on your Requirements list, but the other four were either missing or inconclusive. Does that mean you should count out another date? Absolutely not! Midwest Matchmaking suggests that even one “must-have” element could signal that a second date is in order. Remember, a second date is not a lifetime commitment. It’s not even a relationship yet. A second date simply means you’re still figuring out who this person is.
The other list to check is your deal-breakers. While there are good reasons to give yourself time — and that means more than a quick coffee date — to get to know someone, there’s no need to explore possibilities with someone who said off the bat they never want to get married (but you do).
#5. Yes, chemistry can develop over time.
It’s possible that you’re not sure about a second date because the chemistry wasn’t off the charts, as you’re used to seeing in movies and hearing about in love ballads from the latest pop singer. But there’s no reason to deny your Des Moines date only because you didn’t feel instant chemistry. For one thing, chemistry isn’t always immediate. It can develop over time, or even kick in unexpectedly as emotional intimacy is established.
Plus, chemistry has its pros and cons. Once it kicks in (especially in the early stages) it can be all consuming, to the point of making “thinking clearly” impossible. And while that “love at first-sight” feeling is exciting and new, delayed chemistry is actually statistically more sustainable. It may allow you to take time getting to know someone, establishing a more solid foundation for true love, which means better chemistry down the line.
Are your first date expectations too high? Perhaps our Des Moines matchmakers can tell you!
Contact Midwest Matchmaking today at www.midwestmatchmaking.com and let us help you get past your first date, and to the altar.