According to a recent Psychology Today article, dating today is a nightmare, and Midwest Matchmaking has something to say about it. Barry Schwartz, a renowned behavioral psychologist and author of The Paradox of Choice, a book that examines how and why having too many choices actually makes us much less happy and fulfilled, explains the cause of the phenomenon of this generation’s dating difficulty.
Matchmakers in the Midwest agree that the cause of this is because once Kansas City singles find something good, you begin to believe that something “better” is just around the next corner. And so, the cycle continues. Therein lies the paradox of choice: when variety appears to be a good thing but actually makes life more challenging. Using this example in dating in Kansas City and trying to find a romantic partner and you have what Schwartz calls “the most consequential domain where this paradox would play out.”
In every aspect of our lives, we are confronted with myriad choices, but how we make these choices is often more important than what we choose. The shopping trip shows an example of what Schwartz describes as “maximizing” behavior. “Maximizers treat finding a partner like shopping for shoes. The mentality of “I expect to try a lot on before finding the perfect fit. For a maximizer, somewhere out there is the ‘perfect lover’. Even though there is nothing wrong with the current relationship, who knows what’s possible if you keep your eyes open?”
Now, of course this doesn’t mean “settling” is the answer (although that in itself can be a very loose term), but the difference is between looking for very good versus perfection. And so, this quest for perfection comes at a cost. In general, maximizers are less happy and more prone to depression since refusing everything that isn’t the best means they likely end up alone or with very little. Therefore, the smarter route would be to mindfully approach dating in Kansas City in the same way – realistically.
Take Denmark, for example, which year after year ranks as the happiest country in the world, due in large part to a practice called Hygge: finding joy in normal, everyday life. For example, 85 percent of Danes say they gain satisfaction in the simplest ways like lighting candles. They even prefer plain, unscented ones to the fancier options. Danes look dow upon the rate race the rest of the world succumbs to. Danish children are taught to be content with being average and having average possessions. Thus, overall, the Danish are a less stressed, less anxious, less depressed group of people compared to the rest of the world.
Throughout most of history, up until the last century, even mating was done out of necessity because people never knew when another potential mate would come along.
Now the overwhelm of having so many options is even more obvious in the realm of dating, according to Kansas City singles. Online dating apps or websites feed into this mentality especially, being that “swiping left” is so much easier to do simply because the face peering back at us isn’t “perfect”. How many amazing potential love interests have we missed out on because we were convinced the next profile would be better?
Online dating isn’t working.
Online dating stats tell it all, and are even more disheartening. Even though more than 20 percent of 25- to 40-four-year-olds use dating apps, only 5 percent of them are able to find lasting relationships through them. If you’ve ever logged on to Tinder, then you already know it’s most popular export is instant gratification, not committed love.
What is Midwest Matchmaking’s solution to constant dating dead-ends?
If swiping left is your forte, or if swiping right, then losing interest after one or two dates is a common practice of yours, ask yourself if you might be a Maximizer. Are you constantly seeking the next best thing? When you find that person, do you eventually lose interest? Do you nit pick your partner’s imperfections and assume there is someone better suited for you? Matchmakers in the Midwest can determine if you’re doing something to keep yourself perpetually single.
If the above scenarios sound like your dating life, you might want to ask yourself the final question: is finding perfection more important than finding love?
If you’re tired of making the same dating mistakes, and are truly ready for love, contact Midwest Matchmaking.
Our Matchmakers in the Midwest are ready to help you find the love of your life. Contact www.midwestmatchmaking.com