Tag: dating

Online Daters: Women’s Desirability Peaks at Age 18; Men’s at 50

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A recent study may be an unwelcome surprise for many of you who opt for online dating apps over using a Des Moines matchmaker. The study found that, for online daters, women’s desirability peaks at age 18, while men’s peak at age 50. That’s a huge disparity but something local matchmakers were not surprised to hear. In this industry, what tends to attract our clients to seek a matchmaker in the Midwest is because of the  continual disappointment online dating provides these singles in the area.

Studies have shown that at least 40% of Americans have tried online dating at some point, but many people at a glance are judged unfairly, according to our coaching clients and professional matchmakers.

The study, published in the journal Science Advances, look at the “desirability” of male and female users based on how many messages nearly 200,000 users (all seeking opposite-sex partners) got over one month on a popular online dating service. They also looked at whether or not the people sending the message were “desirable” based on the same criteria.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time a study has found results like this. In 2010, research from OkCupid found that men from the ages of 22 to 30 were almost completely focused on meeting women who were younger than them. Even more disturbing was a line from an OkCupid blog post: “The median 30-year-old man spends as much time messaging teenage girls as he does women his own age”. Now, it’s no surprise to Des Moines matchmakers that, at least in the local dating world we see every day, men do tend to date younger than them, while women prefer older mates up to a decade their senior. It is rare that a man will date much older than him due to biological aspects and the way their brains are wired. There are always exceptions, of course.

Professional Midwest matchmakers agree this has to do with evolution. Apparently, males seek out younger women for fertility reasons they don’t even realize, and that men could just be more interested in how younger women look.

The study also found that men weren’t as interested in women with graduate degrees. This may be because men think women who are educated with higher degrees have “more work commitment and less relationship and family commitment.” It might signal to them that they could have less time for a serious relationship.

The one silver lining to this research is that it might not be entirely accurate. Professional relationship advice from our Des Moines matchmakers say that what people look for in online dating reflects aspiration more than what they actually want. This is based on the fact that most users in the study messaged people who were more desirable than themselves, representing dating preferences more than reality. In other words, older men could be messaging younger women just to see what would happen, even if they’re not really looking for that kind of long-term relationship. Local matchmakers in Des Moines can help filter through these kinds of situations due to our intensive pre-screeing process, intake interview with each person face-to-face, and background checks.

Are swiping through dating profiles much too exhausting? Call your Des Moines matchmakers at Midwest Matchmaking to help you find the love of your life.  www.midwestmatchmaking.com or (833) 4MW-LOVE.

3 Reasons why Paying for a Matchmaker Won’t get you “Better” Dates

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If there’s one thing that dating coaches in the Midwest run into often with their most challenging clients is that because their dating clients are paying for a Midwest matchmaker, they believe it entitles them to “better” than who they would meeting on their own.

While it is true that meeting local singles who are looking for a love connection is more readily available when working with a local matchmaker, that does not mean that every one of these clients are going to be your type…or vice versa.

What hiring a Midwest matchmaking service does is guarantee your safety and parameters when sourcing matches for you. What this does not entail is your own personal fairy god mother with a magic wand who can suddenly make the Channing Tatum doppelgänger fall in love with you. The only thing professional matchmakers in Sioux Falls can do is put you in front of the right matches, but the rest is ultimately up to you.

What this means is being accountable for being the most marketable – and not putting the blame on anyone if the expectation does not fit the reality. If smoking is a turn off to most singles (and it is in our business!), and you are being rejected from your top choices because of it, then quit! If your match wants a more athletic body type but you haven’t hit a gym in a decade, join one! If your perfect man doesn’t want to date a woman with kids, and you have three little ones at home, move on…he wasn’t the right fit for you anyway.

Professional relationship advice from our Sioux Falls matchmakers says this: evolve, find ways to improve in areas that are causing you rejection, insecurity or pain. Do the work, make the commitment and be the best version of yourself you can be in whatever way that means for you and the person you are hoping to fall in love with. But know your local dating market first before seeking a love connection. Do your research on the demographics in your area, gauge the number of singles, scour the areas that are attracting them, and scope out what is working for others. Think of it as the most important school research project you’ve ever encountered and tackle it head on.

Therefore, without further ado, our professional dating coaches and local matchmakers ask you to heed the following three reasons why paying for a professional matchmaker in Sioux Falls will not guarantee you dates who are any better than you could get out there on your own:

  1. We Cannot Make the Person of Your Dreams Fall in Love with You…No Matter How Hard We Try

OK…we don’t make it a business practice to ever force someone on another person, but even if we did, certain singles have their preferences, and if you’re not it….there’s not much we can do to change that. We can offer you some suggestions, like losing weight, quitting cigarettes or being more open minded on a parameter you’ve deemed a “deal breaker”, but beyond that, your dating matchmaker isn’t your own personal miracle worker.

  1. Your Expectations May Not Meet the Reality

If you think that putting money into a service is going to guarantee an outcome that is significantly different than what is happening in your usual dating practice, then you will be disappointed. The reality is that hiring a matchmaking service in the Midwest will not fix what needs fixing in yourself, it won’t make you more attractive to candidates, and it won’t mean someone normally out of your normal dating league will suddenly be in it. What Midwest Matchmaking’s professional dating coaches can do however, is offer guidance and advice on how to work on anything that needs work (because, let’s face it – we all do), and how to help you be more successful at dating the types you truly want to date. Yes, matchmaking agencies do have better quality candidates, but it takes some work on your part as well.

  1. Matchmakers Do Not Have Magic Wands

If you have a checklist a mile long regarding your partner’s perfect qualities, that you will not compromise on, then you’re not going to be very successful – either through a local matchmaker nor on your own. Our professional matchmakers suggest limiting your deal breakers and must-haves to three each, and being open minded to the rest. Love comes in interesting packages sometimes, and chemistry is not an amalgam of qualities written down on a piece of paper. Chemistry only happens (or doesn’t) when you meet someone face to face, and hear them talk, notice the way they laugh, how they treat you, and most importantly, their values. So, if you hire a Sioux Falls matchmaker, let them do their jobs as professionals in a field they know, understand, and have found success in. If you do this and trust the process, you will find that they can find relationship success for you as well.

Are you single in the Midwest and looking for better dates? If so, call Midwest Matchmaking at (833) 4MW – LOVE or visit www.midwestmatchmaking.com.

Midwest Matchmaking’s 7 Methods for a Better Relationship

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Can you spot a good relationship? Of course, nobody knows what really goes on between any couple, but decades of scientific research into love, sex and relationships have taught us that a number of behaviors can predict when a couple is on solid ground or headed for troubled waters. Midwest matchmakers know that good love connections don’t happen overnight. They take commitment, compromise, forgiveness, and effort.

FALLING IN LOVE

Falling in love is the easy part. The challenge for dating clients is how to rekindle the fires of romance from time to time and cultivate the mature, trusting love that is the hallmark of a lasting relationship. Men and women each define love differently. Understanding what makes your partner feel loved can help you navigate conflict and put romance back into your relationship. If you learn your partner tends toward jealousy, make sure you notice when someone is flirting with him or her. If your partner is practical in love, notice the many small ways he or she shows love by taking care of everyday needs.

RESUSCITATE ROMANCE

Romantic love has been called a “natural addiction” because it activates the brain’s reward center — notably the dopamine pathways associated with drug addiction, alcohol and gambling. But those same pathways are also associated with novelty, energy, focus, learning, motivation, ecstasy and craving. No wonder we feel so energized and motivated when we fall in love!

But our dating coaches know that romantic, passionate love fades a bit over time, and (we hope) matures into a more contented form of committed love. Even so, many couples long to rekindle the sparks of early courtship.  Do something new and different on your Midwest dates — and make sure you do it together. New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine. Partners who regularly share new experiences report greater boosts in marital happiness than those who simply share pleasant but familiar experiences.

HAVE SEX – LOTS OF SEX

Professional matchmakers in the Midwest know that committed couples really do have more sex than everyone else. While it’s true that single people can regale you with stories of crazy sexual episodes, remember that single people also go through long dry spells. The main factors associated with a sexless life are older age and not being married. So whether you’re having committed or married sex once a week, once a month or just six times a year, the fact is that there’s still someone out there having less sex than you. Make sure that if you’re not in the mood, get yourself to give it a go anyway, and you will find that you will likely be in the mood once you’ve gotten started.

PROTECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Avoid Opportunity. Midwest matchmakers recommend not putting yourself into a position where temptation is readily available, frequent and ongoing. If you have a career that puts you in front of the eye of attractive local singles often enough, you may begin to stray with your mind, and that could lead to actual physical encounters with another person who is not your partner. If you reconnect with an old friend (or old flame) on social media, keep communication brief, limited and appropriate. Online avenues are primes ways love connections happen, even if unintentionally to being with. Local matchmakers recommend keeping all online or in-person interactions with others platonic and staying that way.

FIGHT FAIRLY

Many people try their best to avoid conflict, but professional dating coaches agree every conflict presents an opportunity to improve a relationship. The key is to learn to fight constructively in a way that leaves you feeling better about your partner.

Marriage researcher John Gottman has built an entire career out of studying how couples interact. He learned that even in a laboratory setting, couples are willing to air their disagreements even when scientists are watching and the cameras are rolling. From that research, he developed a system of coding words and gestures that have been shown to be highly predictive of a couple’s chance of success or risk for divorce or breakup.

BE DECISIVE & GENEROUS

How thoughtfully couples make decisions can have a lasting effect on the quality of their romantic relationships. Couples who are decisive before marriage — intentionally defining their relationships, living together and planning a wedding — appear to have better marriages than couples who simply let inertia carry them through major transitions. Making decisions and talking things through with partners is important. When you make an intentional decision, you are more likely to follow through on that.

Are you generous toward your partner? How often do you express affection? Or do small things for your partner like bring them coffee? Men and women who score the highest on the generosity scale are far more likely to report “very happy” marriages, according to local professional matchmakers.

NURTURE FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Sometimes couples become so focused on the relationship that they forget to invest in their relationships with friends and family. Professional dating coaches will tell you that married couples have fewer ties to relatives than the unmarried. They are less likely to visit, call or help out family members, and less likely to socialize with neighbors and friends.

The problem with this trend is that it places an unreasonable burden and strain on the marriage. We often overload our relationships by asking our partner to satisfy more needs than any one individual can possibly meet, and if our marriage falters, we have few emotional support systems to fall back on. To strengthen a serious relationship, consider asking less of it. That means leaning on other family members and friends for emotional support from time to time. Support your partner’s outside friendships and enjoy the respite from the demands of marriage when you’re not together.

Is your relationship falling flat? Let Midwest matchmakers and our local dating coaches help resuscitate your romantic relationship! Call Midwest Matchmaking at (833) 4MW – LOVE today, or visit us at www.midwestmatchmaking.com

Midwest Matchmaking’s 5 Smart Ways to Approach Dating in Your 30s

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In your 20s, dating in the Midwest was probably a bit different. You dated around, kissed a few frogs, partied with your friends, survived school and got a firm grip on your career. The twenty-something decade is full of exploration and change—but then, you blow out 30 candles and suddenly, your love connection goals change.

You really begin refining and enriching your single life, and gaining career traction so you are where you want to be later. This is about the time where work-life balance starts to become the top priority. Lincoln singles who want love and family tend to start wondering how they will fit in dating in the Midwest, while maintaining their careers.

With a few mindset changes, it’s possible to have it all, but this starts with tweaking your approach to dating in Lincoln and relationships with singles in your area. Here’s how to take stock of your goals, make some strategic changes and get long-term satisfaction out of love and life.

Know What You Want

Most of us are probably a bit idealistic about love connections in our 20s. Maybe we’ll meet a brooding, handsome stranger in a coffee shop, or some witty guy will approach us at the neighborhood bar one night. You could even have some sort of “list” for what you want in a person. But after a decade of lost romance, our professional matchmakers and dating coaches have some advice: time to get real.

As a professional Midwest matchmaker, if you’re a woman wanting a biological child and marriage, you can’t wait for serendipity to intervene or simply say, it will happen when it happens. What does that look like? A heavy dose of soul-searching, and then pushing past roadblocks that threaten your success. And that means not just getting out there in the Lincoln dating scene, but really understanding what and who you are looking for on a deeper level and not the superficial stuff.”

Prioritize

In your 20s, you were probably dreaming up what would be the pinnacle of your career life, because, why not? CEO of a successful start-up, with your young-adult novel trilogy being turned into movies by your 35th birthday? Sure! It’s great too, well, lean in—but many thirty-something local singles will admit that time seems to rapidly accelerate when in your 30s.

So while you should keep those sky-high goals close to your heart, you also have to hold yourself accountable for not missing out on something else you really want—like marriage and kids. You have to decide how much time you can give to each of your priorities, and how much of yourself you want to give to each priority. Maybe this means taking a slightly lesser position to be closer to family or scaling back on those 60-hour workweeks to devote more time to your love life.

3. Recognize Red Flags

You’ve probably met your fair share of local singles who would qualify for your own personal WTF? file. Maybe you took a risk on that guy with the emotional issues or that supposedly-reformed player with a laundry list of ex-flames. Don’t beat yourself over those mistakes, since they can teach you a lot.

Now that you know a red flag when you see it, don’t let that knowledge bank of toxic partners go to waste. If you’re looking for real love, your job is to recognize these zero-potential guys early and often. Don’t waste your time with people who are clearly commitment-phobic, wishy-washy or emotionally unavailable. Don’t try to change them. Let them go and move on.

4. Have and Own Your Boundaries

Make a date with yourself for a cup of coffee or glass of wine, grab a notebook, and take stock of your behaviors in your 20s. Think about what didn’t work in terms of fostering personal and relationship growth. Think about what did. Get specific about the choices you made and what might need to change.

Our Midwest Matchmakers recommend establishing smart boundaries. For instance, if you’ve been really career-focused, spending time with other people might be tough. Eventually, you have to decide how reachable you want to be. This could mean anything from stopping all work communication at a certain hour every night to finally calling your city home, instead of always having one foot out the door.

5. Try, Try and Try Again

Sure, you could theoretically meet your future love in Lincoln anywhere. But you’ve probably been there and done that with the bar scene, and might not have many opportunities in your current job—where you spend the majority of your waking hours. That means your best bet is to maximize the most highly-datable options in the least amount of time.

The best way to do this is to approach this part of your life with as much intention and effort as you would, say, your friendships or career. Actively position yourself to meet like-minded people who are likely looking for legit, long-term relationships. This might mean: hiring a local matchmaking service and working with a dating coach; actually putting yourself out there at events and activities where you’re likely to meet people; tapping into your network of friends for set-ups. Take action and know that our dating clients really stepped out of their comfort zone in order to meet more singles in the area. Do it all!

Midwest Matchmaking’s bottom line for single 30-somethings is that they can do themselves a service by owning up to what they want in life and committing to it. The last thing we’re sure you want is to wake up at 35, alone, your time clock ticking and wondering why you let a few of those great love connections from your past go.

Ready to try a new approach to dating in Lincoln? Call Midwest Matchmaking at (833) 4MW – LOVE or visit www.midwestmatchmaking.com

How Dating Entitlement is Keeping You Single

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I came across an old article I had saved about dating entitlement back in 2013, and as a professional Des Moines matchmaker, I still find it a timeless piece about how conduct very much applies both in society, but especially in romance. The title, which says it all, is “If I Can’t Accept You At Your Worst, Then Maybe You Should Stop Being So Horrible”. https://themattwalshblog.com/if-i-cant-accept-you-at-your-worst-then-maybe-you-should-stop-being-so-horrible/

I have paraphrased the important excerpts below. If you are single in Des Moines and looking for love in the Midwest, you may want to heed the advice that the author (and your local matchmakers) suggest below.

“I was reminded of a meme we’ve all seen a thousand times, which I just ran across again as I pursued my Facebook page. It has a few variations, but it usually goes something like this: If you can’t accept me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.

This is such a popular sentiment that it has its own Facebook fan page with over 150 thousand “Likes.” Of course, the original quote is from Marilyn Monroe:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Yes, it’s true that, in a marriage, we must love our spouses in spite of their flaws. It’s also true that we all have flaws. But it’s ALSO true that only an entitled person would ever treat a loved one with their “worst” and expect them to deal with it because their “best” will somehow compensate for it.

Newsflash: It’s not OK to be selfish, impatient, and out of control. These traits, while common, are unacceptable. They should not be accepted, least of all by the people you claim to love. The onus is on YOU to change your behavior and your attitude, not on them to “handle it.” These will not find you your Des Moines love of your life.

This philosophy is poison. Often I hear local singles complain that they ‘just want to find someone who will accept them, no matter what.’ But being “accepted” should not be our relationship goal. Healthy relationships are loving, but also challenging, edifying, and even occasionally painful.

Should we scoff at our husbands or wives or boyfriends or girlfriends and flippantly tell them to “handle it,” as we behave in ways that will hurt and offend them?

No. And if you think that, then you shouldn’t be getting into relationships at all. You aren’t ready.

Further, does our “best” (which probably isn’t as great as we imagine it to be) make up for, or negate, our “worst”?

No. Your worst is your worst. Fix it. Be better. Nobody should have to put up with it. Least of all the people you love.

Love is a transformative force, and if you want to experience it you better be ready to change in every way imaginable. My wife does not “accept me”, and thank God for that. She challenges me. She makes me better. In other words, she loves me.

What kind of a goal is that, anyway — just wanting to be put up with? Life is not about gaining “acceptance.” Life is change. It is not static and stagnant, do you really want your relationships to be?

We don’t emerge into the world as eternally entitled princes and princesses. We come into it as naked, crying, helpless babies. Our job is to grow out of that condition. And that will take a lot of changing and a lot of learning about what parts of us are unsuitable and insufficient and unacceptable. Sadly, some of us are unwilling to endure that process, so we never grow, and in failing to grow, we fail to live.

Don’t ask anyone to “accept” the bad parts of you. Instead, strive to improve those parts. Put in the effort. Make yourself worthy of the love they’ve offered you.

That means if you want better relationships in the Midwest, you have to earn them, and be the best version of yourself you can.”

In short, hiring a local matchmaking service will only take you so far. If you are emotionally unhealthy and mishandle your relationships, you will continually find yourself single again. A matchmaker in Iowa can only do so much. If you hire a dating coach in the area, they may be able to help you move forward with a more healthy outlook on dating in Des Moines, but you will have to work at it.

Are you finding dating in the Midwest leads to duds? Hire a local Midwest Matchmaker and let them help you! Contact Midwest Matchmaking at (833) 4MW-LOVE or visit us at www.midwestmatchmaking.com

Midwest Matchmaking’s 7 ‘Love Hacks’ to Keep Relationships Alive

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Many Midwest Matchmaking clients we work with are looking to their partners to replace the companionship and emotional support once provided by extended families and local institutions like churches, clubs and organizations. Meanwhile, many dating singles in the Midwest are so busy with their jobs and parenting that they’re actually spending less time together. Studies have shown that this could be related to the decline in people’s satisfaction with their relationships.

What can we do about this? Well, you either reduce your demands or increase your supply.  If you can’t do either of those, Dr. Eli Finkel, a psychotherapist who owns a laboratory at Northwestern, offers what he calls “love hacks” – proven techniques that takes little time or effort and doesn’t even require cooperation from your partner. These are not necessarily going to save your relationship if there are more serious problems going on, but they keep it from declining, and may at least keep it on track.

Below are 7 simple methods Midwest matchmakers suggest to help stave off stagnation in your partnership:

Assume the Best

If your partner does something wrong, don’t over-interpret it. Researchers have found that one of the biggest differences between happy and unhappy couples is their “attributional style” in explaining a partner’s offense. The unhappy couples tend to automatically attribute something like an unreturned phone call to a permanent inner flaw in the partner (“He’s too selfish to care about me”) rather than a temporary external situation, like an unusually busy day at work. When something goes wrong with your Midwest date, before drawing any conclusions about your partner, take a few seconds to consider an alternative explanation that puts the blame elsewhere.

Touch Your Partner

Local matchmakers recommend holding hands can win you points even when you don’t mean it, as demonstrated in an experiment with couples who watched a video together. Some people were instructed not to touch their partners during the video, while others were told to touch in a “warm, comfortable and positive way.” Afterward, the people who had been touched reported being more confident of being loved by their partner — and this effect occurred even when the people knew that their partners’ actions were being directed by the researchers. Their rational selves knew that the hand-holding wasn’t a spontaneous gesture of affection, but it made them feel better anyway.

Keep a Gratitude Journal

Once a week, write down a few things your partner has done to “invest in the relationship,” or anything they have done that week to help around the house, make you happy or even, write down what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Our Midwest Matchmakers Rekindling those early memories can do wonders for igniting that romantic spark, and reminding the two of you of why you came together in the first place, and will help you remember those positive qualities, even when you two are fighting. Look back at that journal each time you feel yourself getting heated about something they did wrong. Chances are, those feelings will probably dissipate.

Midwest Matchmaking Says, Mind Your Manners

Yes, doing what our our parents told us in our early years applies to your adult Midwest relationships. It is very easy to forget to display the simplest of gestures that really help a relationship maintain a sturdy foundation. A simple “Please” or “Thank you” shows a level of respect, gratitude, and affection for your partner. Plus, it’s just good manners.

Celebrate Small Victories

When your partner tells you about something that went right in his or her day, get excited about it! Ask questions so your partner can tell you more about the event and relive it. Put some enthusiasm into your voice and your reactions. When researchers studied couples who were trained to use these techniques in their evening discussions, it turned out that each partner took more pleasure from their own victories, and both partners ended up feeling closer to each other. By sharing the joy, everyone came out ahead, and these local singles were happier than before.

Accept a Compliment

One of the most common factors in failed marriages is that people with low self-esteem have a hard time believing their partner really loves them, so they often preemptively discount their partner’s affection in order to avoid being hurt by the expected rejection. Eventually, even when they start off with a loving partner, their worst fear comes true because their defensive behavior ends up driving the other person away. Matchmakers in the Midwest see this all the time with our clients.

In testing ways to counteract this anxiety, researchers asked insecure people to recall a specific compliment from their partner. Giving a detailed account of the situation and the compliment didn’t have any effect, apparently because these insecure people could dismiss it as a lucky aberration: “For once I did something right.”

Are you single in the Midwest and looking for a partner of your own to work on a relationship with? Give Midwest Matchmaking a call at (833) 4MW-LOVE or visit us at www.midwestmatchmaking.com

How Young Professionals in the Midwest Date Smart

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Life is hectic when you’re working your way to the top as a single in the Midwest. Trying to find time to date while getting your career in order can be a whole other ballgame, that you just don’t have the time to waste on just anyone. “Dating smart” is an essential tool any successful single in Nebraska and Iowa needs to utilize to ensure you’re meeting the right match for your busy lifestyle, and someone who understands that drive to get to the top.

Being a busy professional likely means outsourcing areas of your life to other professionals – whether that includes hiring landscapers for your lawn, maids for your home, nannies for your children, or…. a Midwest matchmaker for your love life. But there are other ways to ensure that you’re getting maximum value from your minimal free time.

An online article, https://notablelife.com/6-ways-to-date-smart-as-a-busy-young-professional/, outlines the ways busy career-climbers can “date smart” while still maintaining a healthy work/love/life balance without having to give up one for the other. Yes, even with working 60+ weeks, you can still find your Happily Ever After. Here’s how:

1. Hire a Local Midwest Matchmaking Service

Dating apps and online dating require even more of a workload than you already have. This is essentially a part-time job: weeding through profiles, chatting aimlessly with people that likely end up going nowhere, being ghosted, feeling like just another number on a screen, and wasting time meeting the wrong people who were sent to you via a computerized algorithm. Hiring a local Midwest matchmaking company will ensure that you receive the quality you’re looking for; not simply random dates with little potential for a romantic future.When you hire a local matchmaker in the Midwest, you are investing in a quality process, instead of wasting time on a numbers game you’re as likely to win as slots at a Vegas casino. Matchmakers in your area will actually spend a couple of hours getting to know you, and working with you over a one-year period to ensure they get a good handle on your type, your preferences, and what you may need to work on to improve your success.

2. Use the Date-Night-In to Your Advantage

If you work long hours, it’s fair to say you might be too tired to take your date out sometimes. Of course, this depends on the night and it depends on how you’re feeling. You may be in the mood to simply put your feet up at home rather than go out. A date-night-in is fine as long as you still put some effort in to show that you care enough not to become one of those lazy daters.  If you do go this route in dating a local single, make sure you put some thought into setting the ambiance at least: have a yummy scented candle lit, arrange your take out on nice dish ware, make sure your home (especially your bathroom) is cleaned, and have a bucket of popcorn and a movie ready. Set up your date night in with thought and attention to detail, and your Midwest date won’t even think twice that it is happening in your home.

3. Use Your Lunch Break to Go on Dates

At least once per week, forgo sushi with Alex from accounting and instead go on a Midwest lunch date. This works especially well if you meet a Nebraska single who works the same core hours as you do, and works close to your office. You have to eat lunch anyway, so you may as well make a date out of it. It’s also a great way to (hopefully) brighten your day before it’s even half over. And, consistency is key to early bonding. Waiting too long before seeing your date again can stall any chemistry or connection that is occurring. So, keep at the regular dates, even if they’re brief. I can assure you that your local match would much prefer seeing you for an hour rather than nothing at all. So nourish that budding relationship like you’re planning on nourishing that belly during your lunch.

4. Choose a Local Single Who has a Similar Lifestyle

You must choose your Midwest partners wisely. If you tend to work 12 hour days, you probably don’t want to date the freelance writer who only works 6 hours a day. Chances are, if there’s a huge contrast between the amounts of free time you both have, problems could arise. That’s not to say you can’t still give a relationship a try – but if he or she starts getting demanding of your time, that’s a red flag. Odds are, a relationship in the Midwest will work better with someone who is just as busy as you are. If you both get off work late, you’ll both be fine with going out for a late dinner or relaxing at home with late-night takeout. Similarly, if you both are working on side projects, you can order takeout and work on your respective projects while still spending time together. More than anything though, just ensuring that you two are in communication about your wants, needs and boundaries, will help to avoid any issues down the road. Honesty and communication really is the key to a successful relationship in the Midwest.

5. Steer Clear of the Overly Needy Types

The needy types often sweat the small stuff – which means they might not be cool with you canceling a dinner date due to working late. If things tend to come up last minute for you, you’ll need to date someone who skews more to the easy going side of things than the needy. If their life revolves around you, they’ll tend to get upset easily about a change in plans. However, if they have their own happy and busy life, they don’t need you as much – which is a good thing. Again, as mentioned above, if you’re dating in the Midwest, you know that we tend to value hard work and a solid work ethic. Hopefully, your partner shares that ambition, otherwise you may need to ask yourself if you need to start upping your standards in the career department a bit to find someone more on your level with his or her own life to focus on while you two are apart. This does not mean that it is permissible to completely ignore or otherwise not attempt to make time for your relationship; so make sure you are being honest with yourself and asking yourself if you are in fact, giving this person what he or she deserves.

6. Incorporate Your Partner into Your Work Life

Bring your single partner in the Midwest to work events, or ask him or her to come along when you have to go away for a weekend for a conference. Other ways of incorporating your partner into your work life include running ideas past them, getting work-related advice from them, and sharing career milestones with each other. If you’re busy, they can be busy with you too. Moreover, our local matchmakers advise that relationships are about sharing the ups and downs, and starting that early on once you two are more established. This will display to them that you are truly ready to bring a partner into your life and that you do have goals to stop being single and dating in the Midwest.

Now are you ready to hire your very own local Midwest matchmaker? Give Midwest Matchmaking a call at (833) 4MW-LOVE or visit us at www.midwestmatchmaking.com. Let’s find you the Midwest love of your life!

Dating After Divorce

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Yes, Midwest singles. There is life after divorce. And Midwest Matchmaking can help.

Jumping back into the Midwest dating scene as a newly divorced single again can feel like free falling head first over a gorge. Not only have dating styles and techniques perhaps changed since you last put yourself out there, but so has technology, certain etiquette related to that technology, and expectations.  Not to mention the overwhelm that dating apps cause, it’s no wonder divorcees now newly single in Iowa and Nebraska feel so lost, and have no clue where or how to start again.

Dating local singles will be a challenge at times, but the good news is, with the right formula, game plan and action-based results, you will be back on that horse in no time and mastering dating in the Midwest like it’s second nature. No doubt, you will feel shaky and inexperienced. Even being “out of the game” for a decade can change so much. You are not alone, and as a professional matchmaker for a decade, I see this all the time with my clients. But, human beings are adaptable, and with practice, help and determination, you will open you heart, find love and be happy again.

First, it’s important to remember to give yourself plenty of time to heal from a divorce. Leaving a marriage, even though you may have been emotionally ready to do years prior, is still like a death. A death of your old self, an old routine, and is essentially a catharsis that takes time to adapt to. So, allow yourself at least a year before getting back out there. Take time for YOU. Heal, see a therapist, make time for old friends, be alone and feel OK with that. Most importantly, if you have children, spend extra time with them, especially! They’ll need that time to adjust as well and will need to know they have their divided parents’, undivided attention.

Our local matchmakers in the Midwest know that time by yourself is when the most growth and self reflection occurs, and you want…no, you need that time to analyze what you will be doing differently in your dating life moving forward. What are your boundaries? What will you not tolerate? What are your deal breakers? Do you need to manage your expectations? What work do you need to do on yourself to be a good future partner? What do you bring to the table, and what do you expect your partner to bring? What do you value? It is crucial you know the answer to these questions because you want to learn from your relationship mistakes and grow from them, right?

Once you are ready to date local singles again, you will also need to date similar-minded people who are in the same place in their lives – meaning, do not rush into another serious relationship, because you will not be fully ready. Even if emotionally you’ve moved on, it will still take you time to adjust to your new dating life in the Midwest, your new routine, your freedom, your newly attained life lessons, and so on. Only date casually until you really figure out your next steps. Even better, don’t date at all right away.

Also, strongly consider completely quitting dating apps and hiring a professional Midwest matchmaking service. Once you are truly ready to meet your next Mr. or Ms. Right, why waste your time and energy on apps where there is an 81% failure rate? Outsource the most important aspects of your life if you can afford it, and go for quality in your dating options, rather than quantity. You will not regret the investing your faith (or your money) in our local matchmakers, and the quality of candidates you receive are unmatched.

You also want to make sure that you know exactly what a healthy, long-term relationship looks like, especially if you were married to someone abusive or narcissistic. Having that as your model of a committed relationship during the X number of years you were married may have had an affect on your judgment. This is where a therapist, a matchmaker in the Midwest, a Nebraska or Iowa dating coach, or a combination of them all, will really help your chances.

When you find that you are finally ready and willing to put yourself back on the market, consider hiring a local professional matchmaker and paying a little more for a quality Midwest dating service before hitting one of the many dating apps. Not only do they pose a risk to your life if you meet a psycho, but you also have to wade through thousands of spammers, cheaters, married men/women, and singles purely looking to hook up. You get what you pay for, so consider that because there is zero investment in a site like Tinder or Bumble, the people who tend to use these sites aren’t investing much else of themselves in other areas either (like actually looking for a serious relationship).

Once you have a road map of a partner that makes you happy, give attraction and chemistry a chance to develop, even if it takes five or more dates to figure it out. Then, look carefully for the “interior” traits that count, like kindness, reliability, consistency, honesty and intelligence first.

Make sure you are not judging profiles by their photo. This is something the matchmakers at Midwest Matchmaking will try to convince you on because, well…we know best! We cannot tell you how often we change someone’s minds about meeting someone they initially declined, only to watch them fall madly in love and go on to marriage, babies, and happiness. Be open! Give some credit to our Midwest matchmakers and trust that we know a thing or two about chemistry and the importance of determining that in person, and not over a one-dimensional photograph.

Our professional advice about attraction goes like this: you cannot tell whether or not you are attracted to someone in the long run simply by looking at their photo and dissecting every aspect you can see – which is extremely limiting and close-minded. To fall for someone, you need a heck of a lot more than a still photograph. You find chemistry with a person after you get to know them; their nuances, their passions, their quirks, learning about their struggles, how they dealt with them, their pain, their life lessons, what they can teach you, and most of all, their values and how they treat you and show up for you. Midwest love only grows over time, and unless you’re extremely shallow, looks are not everything and should not be the end all-be all. Besides, chemistry most times has nothing to do with a physical element you can see. It’s chemical, and it’s a freaking mystery.

Finally, if you still feel wary or anxious about going about dating solo, remember that our Midwest Matchmaking staff are reputable, qualified, experienced relationship coaches, and have Midwest coaching programs tailored specifically to dating post divorce. With a combined 30 years of professional matchmaking experience, the environment is welcoming, supportive and eager to help anyone who takes their love lives seriously enough to invest in a local matchmaker.

Ask your Midwest matchmaker for more details, and remember, we are here to help you find the next love of your life!

Contact us at www.midwestmatchmaking.com or (833)4MW-LOVE.

Do You Attract Commitment Phobes?

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If You’re Attracting Commitment-Phobes, Midwest Matchmakers Have a Word of Advice:

As Midwest matchmakers, we hear a lot of single dating stories, dissect our client’s dating histories and attempt to get to the underlying reason why they are having trouble dating, or getting a date to become a real, flourishing relationship.

If you have a history of partners who don’t stick around, even if they start out seemingly into you, there could be a few negative personality traits that signal a commitment-phobe that you’re overlooking on the first few dates. An article on the website, heartsintrueharmony.com, explains this common dating issue and how to avoid repeating the mistake.

You may have met a single in Iowa and Nebraska who seems enthralled. He or she alludes to long-term plans with you from the start, dropping subtle (or not-so-subtle) comments that seem to indicate something serious:

“Wait until you meet my sister – you two will really get along.”

Or…

“Wouldn’t it be great to go on a vacation together?”

Or even…

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about someone.”

So, you become hopeful and start telling people you think you might have met The One.

And then the unthinkable happens. They do a 180 and tell you they’re not ready for a relationship. It’s not you, it’s them. Or worse: they ghost you altogether, without as much as an excuse or an explanation. Sound familiar?

What’s going on here? You want a genuine, lasting relationship in the Midwest. You’re a good local single. Why does this keep happening?

What You Attract Is No Accident

Are you doing something wrong? Are there just no decent, commitment-minded people out there? Or are you somehow deeply flawed or damaged – doomed to be loveless?

Well, there’s something you need to know that may be hard to hear, but ultimately can be the launching pad for you to end this painful pattern forever:

There is something within you that is causing you to keep attracting people who won’t commit. But it’s not that there’s something wrong with you.

On the contrary, what you are experiencing is simply a negative pattern of your own creation. And because you have created it, you can also UNDO it.

Is Your Subconscious Choosing Your Midwest Dates For You?

At some point in your life, early experiences dating in the Midwest (stemming even from childhood) and prior relationships led you to believe that finding lasting love was hard – that you had to work at it, or that people were bound to leave you, or that being happy in love was just luck of the draw.

When you are subconsciously operating from these limiting beliefs, you end up with… limited options! Because your subconscious believes that finding and keeping a great relationship is nothing short of an impossible feat for you, it LOOKS for opportunities to prove that this is true – and steers you away from the very thing you want most.

So, you will be drawn to local singles in the Midwest who won’t or can’t create a lasting relationship with you.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Just as you were “programmed” with these beliefs, you can also consciously reprogram new, healthier beliefs that will completely shift the kind of person you attract.

If you keep attracting commitment-phobes, it’s not because there’s something wrong with you. Rather, you’re subconsciously operating from a limiting belief that is false.

It’s the belief that’s wrong, not you.

The minute you dismantle the wrong belief and replace it with a positive one, you also interrupt your usual pattern of attracting the wrong relationships – and start attracting the right one.

You might find it hard to believe that shifting underlying beliefs will do the trick, but we’ve seen it happen time and again with singles just like you who were previously stuck – and are now happily enjoying the relationship they’ve always yearned for.

Just like many of our Midwest Matchmaking clients, creating your happy ending means going to work uncovering your subconscious patterns and dissolving them one by one. Then you need to become very clear on what you want – and don’t want – in a mate. Finally, it’s time to get yourself into the right physical, mental, and emotional space for love, and Midwest matchmakers can help you do that.

Everyone has the power to change the course of their own love life, no matter how hopeless things may seem. That is why the local matchmakers here at Midwest matchmaking have worked for more than 30 years combined helping individuals remove the subconscious barriers that are keeping them from the true love they deserve.

10 Dating Success Tips For Local Singles

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This week, our Midwest matchmakers worked together to contribute a few ideas each to compile for our clients, or anyone single in the Midwest, to aid in their success on dates. Being that we’ve been in this business for more than 30 years combined, we may know a trick or two about how to successfully date in the Midwest. Below are five tips to help anyone who is single and looking for straight-forward, cut-to-the-chase ways to help find the Midwest love of their life:

1. Figure out what you want

So many people don’t realize that this most crucial step starts with themselves, and not this other person you have yet to meet. Do not get so wrapped up in “finding love” or “pleasing others” that you forget what you want out of this very important aspect of your life. You don’t need to pick whoever will have you. However, you also don’t need to obsess about every little detail, especially things that haven’t happened yet (the “What Ifs”). A general idea of what you would like from a partner is best. How would you like them to act? What would you like them to do? How should they treat you? What type of relationship are you looking for? Take a moment (or longer) and figure it out. When you do, this is where our local matchmakers can help!

2. Decide what you will give in return

There is no such thing as getting something for nothing. Dating and relationships are no exception. So, what are you planning to bring to the exchange? Be honest – don’t undersell or oversell yourself. Think about all of the strengths, benefits, and positive qualities you have to share with a partner. Conversely, know your limitations, struggles, challenges and what aspect of yourself that needs work. Have a clear idea about who you are, and what you are going to give back to them.

3. Check your expectations

Take a good look at what you want versus what you’re willing to give. Does it match up? Is it a realistic trade? Make sure the exchange you’re planning is equitable and fair, for both you and for your prospective partners. Make it a good deal on both ends. If you’re overweight (and it’s something that bothers you) and you are in the process of getting to your weight goals, do not expect the perfect physique in your local dates. If you are not at your target goal yet, it is unfair and unrealistic to expect that quality in your partner. Get to your goal first, and then you can “up” your expectations a bit. Are you a smoker and hoping to quit “when you meet the right person”? Our Midwest matchmakers say that’s the wrong approach. Quit smoking first, that way you are more desirable and have more “selling power” to local singles. It also displays a level of ambition and goal-orientation, which other Midwest singles find an attractive quality in a mate.

4. Know your dating market (what “they” want)

Here is where you take into consideration what your potential partners might want. But, you don’t have to be so vague and guess about all men, women, etc. You know what you want. So, search for the Iowa and Nebraska singles who match that, and find out what they want. For example, if you want a healthy, active woman… talk to a few in your area and find out what they like. If you’re looking for creative men, then check out what they are into. Shop around. Get to know the dating market you’re interested in – and what they are looking for in return. You want to do your research in the Midwest dating scene to know what you’re up against, and what you bring to the table. Think of it as your Master’s thesis of the local dating world. When you have the knowledge, you have power.

5. Assess your options

Once you know your dating market, you can see who might be interested in an exchange. Find the partners who fit with what you want. Qualify and assess them. Then see whether what you’re willing to give matches up with their wants too. Negotiate a little and see what works. Is it a good fit? Can you strike a deal? Is it a win-win? See what your options for “trading partners” look like.

6. Pick an option or reassess your plan

If you find a good deal, go with it. Especially when the relationship is fair, satisfying, and the best alternative for both you and them. However, if you don’t like your options, then it is time to rethink the steps above. Go through them again. Is what you want a little unrealistic? Do you need to give a little more to get who you really want? Are your expectations unrealistic? Do you need to try a different Midwest dating group, time, location to find someone to connect with? Ask an honest friend who has a successful relationship themselves, and them to be completely honest with you about who you are looking for, and what you have to bring to the dating table.

7. Hire a local Midwest Matchmaking service

If swiping, filtering through endless (and likely many inappropriate) messages, being ghosted or having little time to do any of the above, sound like fun to you, then…best of luck! However, if you’re like most singles in the Midwest, none of that has any appeal to you, and you may start thinking of other options. Where do you find dates in Iowa or Nebraska? Where else besides a bar can you meet singles in your area? Well, a matchmaking service in the Midwest! This is where we come in. By hiring a local matchmaker, you are essentially paying for a professional to do all of the grunt work for you. The means no more being stood up, no more safety issues.

8. Be open to relocating

If finding dates in the Midwest is seeming bleak, especially if you’re in a small town, be open-minded to other career or living opportunities! Many people have made long distance dating work, and at some point, if the connection is strong enough and the person is special enough, why give them up just because of a little inconvenience? Have a plan in place to potentially move if it got more serious. Having a Plan B for your career is a good idea anyway, so use this challenge as another opportunity to grow – and maybe be closer to the love of your life.

9. Be yourself.

No matter what, the goal is to be the best version of yourself possible, so be confident in who you are, and stay positive. With all of these characteristics and a healthy mindset in place, you will find the Midwest love of your life in no time.

10. Never give up

Dating is a numbers game, and the more people you meet, the more avenues you use (online dating, local matchmakers, Midwest singles events, etc.) the more options you will have.

Repeat, refine, and rework the process. Eventually, you will find a connection (or several) that works. Happy love-hunting!

Having trouble dating in the Midwest? That’s why we’re in business! Let our local Iowa and Nebraska matchmakers help you find success in your love life today! Call us at (833) 4MW-LOVE or visit us at www.midwestmatchmaking.com