Midwest Matchmaking’s 5 Smart Ways to Approach Dating in Your 30s07 Nov 2018
In your 20s, dating in the Midwest was probably a bit different. You dated around, kissed a few frogs, partied with your friends, survived school and got a firm grip on your career. The twenty-something decade is full of exploration and change—but then, you blow out 30 candles and suddenly, your love connection goals change.
You really begin refining and enriching your single life, and gaining career traction so you are where you want to be later. This is about the time where work-life balance starts to become the top priority. Lincoln singles who want love and family tend to start wondering how they will fit in dating in the Midwest, while maintaining their careers.
With a few mindset changes, it’s possible to have it all, but this starts with tweaking your approach to dating in Lincoln and relationships with singles in your area. Here’s how to take stock of your goals, make some strategic changes and get long-term satisfaction out of love and life.
Know What You Want
Most of us are probably a bit idealistic about love connections in our 20s. Maybe we’ll meet a brooding, handsome stranger in a coffee shop, or some witty guy will approach us at the neighborhood bar one night. You could even have some sort of “list” for what you want in a person. But after a decade of lost romance, our professional matchmakers and dating coaches have some advice: time to get real.
As a professional Midwest matchmaker, if you’re a woman wanting a biological child and marriage, you can’t wait for serendipity to intervene or simply say, it will happen when it happens. What does that look like? A heavy dose of soul-searching, and then pushing past roadblocks that threaten your success. And that means not just getting out there in the Lincoln dating scene, but really understanding what and who you are looking for on a deeper level and not the superficial stuff.”
In your 20s, you were probably dreaming up what would be the pinnacle of your career life, because, why not? CEO of a successful start-up, with your young-adult novel trilogy being turned into movies by your 35th birthday? Sure! It’s great too, well, lean in—but many thirty-something local singles will admit that time seems to rapidly accelerate when in your 30s.
So while you should keep those sky-high goals close to your heart, you also have to hold yourself accountable for not missing out on something else you really want—like marriage and kids. You have to decide how much time you can give to each of your priorities, and how much of yourself you want to give to each priority. Maybe this means taking a slightly lesser position to be closer to family or scaling back on those 60-hour workweeks to devote more time to your love life.
3. Recognize Red Flags
You’ve probably met your fair share of local singles who would qualify for your own personal WTF? file. Maybe you took a risk on that guy with the emotional issues or that supposedly-reformed player with a laundry list of ex-flames. Don’t beat yourself over those mistakes, since they can teach you a lot.
Now that you know a red flag when you see it, don’t let that knowledge bank of toxic partners go to waste. If you’re looking for real love, your job is to recognize these zero-potential guys early and often. Don’t waste your time with people who are clearly commitment-phobic, wishy-washy or emotionally unavailable. Don’t try to change them. Let them go and move on.
4. Have and Own Your Boundaries
Make a date with yourself for a cup of coffee or glass of wine, grab a notebook, and take stock of your behaviors in your 20s. Think about what didn’t work in terms of fostering personal and relationship growth. Think about what did. Get specific about the choices you made and what might need to change.
Our Midwest Matchmakers recommend establishing smart boundaries. For instance, if you’ve been really career-focused, spending time with other people might be tough. Eventually, you have to decide how reachable you want to be. This could mean anything from stopping all work communication at a certain hour every night to finally calling your city home, instead of always having one foot out the door.
5. Try, Try and Try Again
Sure, you could theoretically meet your future love in Lincoln anywhere. But you’ve probably been there and done that with the bar scene, and might not have many opportunities in your current job—where you spend the majority of your waking hours. That means your best bet is to maximize the most highly-datable options in the least amount of time.
The best way to do this is to approach this part of your life with as much intention and effort as you would, say, your friendships or career. Actively position yourself to meet like-minded people who are likely looking for legit, long-term relationships. This might mean: hiring a local matchmaking service and working with a dating coach; actually putting yourself out there at events and activities where you’re likely to meet people; tapping into your network of friends for set-ups. Take action and know that our dating clients really stepped out of their comfort zone in order to meet more singles in the area. Do it all!
Midwest Matchmaking’s bottom line for single 30-somethings is that they can do themselves a service by owning up to what they want in life and committing to it. The last thing we’re sure you want is to wake up at 35, alone, your time clock ticking and wondering why you let a few of those great love connections from your past go.